i speak...
i'm an open type of person. i speak out my emotions
usually pero i can be very private at times. i love to
dance and to sing
and i love the company of my friends and my family.
i'm an overly talkative, compassionate dreamer, a
romantic at heart.
i'm a writer too.
words i'd love to live by/tara-inspired
i will create my day
i will create my reality, moment to moment
i will change my mind
i will open myself to the infinite realm of possibility
i will leave room for auspicious coincidence
i will not decide what is next
i will not decide what is real
i will not expect
i will have confidence
i will boycott self-doubt
i will have confidence to go beyond hesitation
i will not be afraid to be afraid
i will remember who I am
oh, yeah. i will also have fun...
i love...
GOD
my family
net-surfing
reading young adult books
music
movies and tv
firsts, seconds and lasts
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
firsts. last friday was my first time to go clubbing. my office friends and i celebrated leo's birthday and we initially didn't have a battle plan (only to go to a KTV but that was too expensive for us pawns). we ended up eating dinner late, but luckily chancing upon a huge videoke booth in an arcade in eastwood. we were crazy. * last night was my first time too, to go to a scuba diving class. it turned out to be boring, not because the speakers and people there are uninteresting but because i've already read some of the facts beforehand. plus thinking of the expenses before you can actually get to dive is unnerving. i'm not giving up though. first scuba-diving, then sky-diving! * what i was afraid of for the longest time happened yesterday. much as i was trying to deny it would happen, it did. it was the first time i was considered a cause for the destruction of something that has been there before i came in the picture. i knew i had it coming.
seconds. yesterday was also the second time i was told by a person that he didn't want to ruin my already perfect life (first time was in my junior year in college). although it sounds appealing that i have a seemingly 'perfect' life, under the circumstances (in both cases that is) i most definitely don't think i do. why are they existing in my life anyways?
syatong buhay 'to oo.
lasts. i heard the song 'can't cry hard enough' when i was in the bus this morning. that's the only time i realized it had a line that says: 'I'm gonna live my life, like every day's the last'. at first i thought the song was for a lost love, you know, the relationship type, but then when i read the full lyrics i discovered it's more for the departed loved ones. a tribute song. sad, but true. there are things people can't say to a person when the other is still living. it usually takes a long time to gather up the courage, but then sometimes it turns out to be too late. * there are times when i wish that i could live each day as if it is my last... you know, carpe diem! last day at work, last chat with family and friends, last piece of chocolate to eat, giving and living my best. but then again, all this woes never fail to come my way and i can't think of living at all. i thank the Lord that he never lets me give up. * isn't it tiring to hear a person saying 'last yosi na', 'last cuss word na', 'last promise broken na' but then they could have said those words over a million times because they still keep on doing it? sometimes it's better to not say anything at all than to utter a million 'lasts' in a lifetime.
lighter it was a crappy day yesterday, but it was as if the Lord sent me angels to console me: for example, after the scuba class in makati, i had to commute alone to alabang (not my usual route) and walk in a dark alley to get to the bus terminal (i was praying so hard because i am already not used to walking alone as i usually have tatay with me). unfortunately the contact lens in my right eye was fogging up that i have to cover it with one hand so my left eye can focus better.
that's when i heard a boy's voice calling loud, twice: 'ate, ate bakit ka umiiyak?' at first i was appalled as the boy, who's face i cannot see through the blackness of the night, appeared KSP to me. i called back 'hinde ako umiiyak', a bit irritated but then the kid said; 'mahal naman kita e'.
there i was, one-eyed and scurrying in the dark, a smile forming on my lips. hehe. that was funny. was that you God? ;)
yesterday i was wreck, today too, (due to issues of the heart and deadlines) but i'm feeling better now because i have friends i can talk to and a great family to come home to. i'm still fortunate.
p.s. i'm glad this post is lighter than the others. ciao.
the angel rocked @ 11:09 AM
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