i speak...
i'm an open type of person. i speak out my emotions
usually pero i can be very private at times. i love to
dance and to sing
and i love the company of my friends and my family.
i'm an overly talkative, compassionate dreamer, a
romantic at heart.
i'm a writer too.
words i'd love to live by/tara-inspired
i will create my day
i will create my reality, moment to moment
i will change my mind
i will open myself to the infinite realm of possibility
i will leave room for auspicious coincidence
i will not decide what is next
i will not decide what is real
i will not expect
i will have confidence
i will boycott self-doubt
i will have confidence to go beyond hesitation
i will not be afraid to be afraid
i will remember who I am
oh, yeah. i will also have fun...
i love...
GOD
my family
net-surfing
reading young adult books
music
movies and tv
i've been gone for weeks, not because i was busy, but because i fell in love. no, not with a guy.
i fell in love... with a boy, a girl and their love story.
i can't even begin to fathom how i fell in love with them...
... it must be because i've always fallen for serendipitous encounters. theirs wasn't just a mushy movie scene, it was as REAL as it gets --- a guy and a girl trapped inside a house where every move you make, and every word you say is recorded for 57 days; the guy falling for the girl at first sight; the girl caught off guard as her long-time crush was unintentionally placed in the house with her, with nowhere to hide --- they made me believe in fate-slash-destiny again.
... it must be because they seem so MFEO (meant for each other), maybe because they look so good together. or maybe it was the you-and-me-against the world thing, the bakit-ngayon-ka-lang, right-love-at-the-wrong-time angle to their drama. must be because i am intrigued on how much love you can see in their eyes and how much effort they put in just to not let it show. they fell for each other but they can't do anything about it. because she's got someone waiting for her outside.
if i had only written this entry earlier you would have witnessed how happy i was each day. with my mood changing only according to their actions. my happiness dependent on their conversations, sweet nothings and playful interactions of which transcripts, videos even, my fellow stalkers provide as nourishment. you would be surprised to know how i was risking it all just to get my daily dose of them and when i mean dose - i mean almost 20 hours of it. how i almost lost my social life, my love life. walang tulog. walang gana kumain. puro pc. they sustain my day. even while traveling, they invade my thoughts. makes me think even more how i am such a HOPELESS romantic. and take note of the emphasis on the word HOPELESS.
last saturday, their 57 days of seclusion ended and it was time for them to go back to the real world. VERY BAD IDEA. it was like my world (together with thousands of other avid fans' worlds) crashed as reality sunk in. after all the hours we spent not sleeping to watch their story, after all the money we wasted to keep them together inside the house until the end (yes, this was my first time to vote and act to affect change, no matter how pathetic the cause is) and after all the emotions i have painstakingly invested on them, i was struck by one awfully sad realization: they can never be together. despite all the unspoken promises. despite the quiet agreements their stares gave each other. they can never be. no matter how i want them to have a happy ending. because society wouldn't allow it.
my mom said i've always gone for the love pairs on the losing end. peachy and jm of tgis, shan cai and lei of meteor garden, michelle and seph of scq reload. (kanya-kanyang trip yan walang pakialaman. baduy na kung baduy.) but all of those couples were works of fiction. this time around, the love story was REAL. so real and it makes me think it's so damn sucks to be them. falling in love so hard under the scrutiny of all types of viewers. and then doing all sorts of damage control to save face when the 'dream sequence' ended. it's hard to be on both of their shoes. the girl confused and judged, the guy struggling to makes sense of it all and got left behind.
it's stupid but i'm hurting for people who don't even know me. now i feel like crying whenever i hear sad love songs. like i'm the one who lost my love life. if i'd only known that it will all come to this i wouldn't have let myself drown in this madness. but that's a little too late now.
the only thing i'm sure of is that what they had was something that can't easily be forgotten. it was my mom who said that she saw something different in the way the two look at each other. you can see it in the eyes. if it's true love only time will tell. because now seems really not the right time.
i wish them happiness. and if each other is really what their hearts clamor for, i hope they would go for it. because the chance for happiness may only come once. as the saying goes: " If you take the leap... You'd be taught how to fly" take it from me, i've been there one to many times. maybe it's part of the bianjoe charm that got me hooked. their story mirrored some chunks of my love life. i don't regret anything that happened with regards to my past relationships. i stand by my decisions and though sometimes it would hurt, i know i've done the right thing because i did it for happiness --- mine and eventually, theirs.
P.S. this would be way out of the topic, but i'm going to Davao tomorrow with kel and TJG for the ILC. i'll be gone for a few days and that's good. that means i'll get some time to detach myself from all this craziness. hopefully when i come back there will be great news.
the angel rocked @ 2:28 AM
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rant absorber | 11
rants
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"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."
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