hello there. only 4 hours to go til christmas. i've spent almost the whole day in front of this pc updating my multiply account and looking for some inspiration. instead i found dozens of misspelled names and words in the captions (i.e. show instead of shoe, ej instead of dj, etc.) and ended up correcting them.
i'm finding it harder and harder to write nowadays as my mind is always clouded, i am always busy, and my thoughts and feelings change as fast as one can say mistletoe.
but i decided i had to write something anyways. especially now that it's christmas time.
let me start this off with a game. here are some of the songs in my iPod playlist this week, which i never get tired of. if you research the lyrics of the following songs then maybe you'll get what's been running through my head this week. you ready? here goes:
1. for you to notice - dashboard confessional 2. behind those eyes - panky trinidad 3. breathe - michelle branch 4. vindicated - dashboard confessional 5. unwritten - natasha bedingfield 6. blind - lifehouse 7. everybody's changing - keane 8. akap - imago 9. all i want for christmas is you - my chemical romance 10. underneath - hanson
got it? one thing that the playlist will tell you is that i think i'm back to the emotional state i was in a year ago.
also, i'm missing a lot of routines and persons these days.
first of which is my startgroup and my barkada within that startgroup. i've been looking at some of our pictures taken only a few months ago. it's obvious i've grown apart from them. i just didn't see that the pace was that fast. i'm wondering what they're saying about me now. sometimes i want to tell them that i'm still here. that i did not replace them. i just felt left out. i was left out. and i was glad to find some new people i can be comfortable with. people who became great friends. but i still deathly miss the ones i was with for more than a year.
another person i'm missing is someone i'll hide by the name jayson wesley. yah you. what happened? i'm just curious. we used to talk round the clock. i still see you everyday online but you never seem to see me back. i just saw a recent picture of you and i smiled seeing you all buffed, i think. that's good. but i hope to hear from you soon.
on a lighter note, i feel lucky to have the people in my life right now. i always feel so blessed. i have a family who always makes me feel important, friends who make me laugh and a God who never fails to make me feel loved wherever i go.
so that's it for now. have a merry christmas everyone! i hope everyone gets whatever good things their hearts desire for christmas. :)
x's: hopefully i'll start the new year with a new blog layout. whatchatink? :)
the angel rocked @ 11:37 AM
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rant absorber | 1
rants
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good byes are not forever
Sunday, December 10, 2006
these days, when i feel like i don't have something worthwhile to say, i don't waste time trying to put them into words. it's funny that nowadays it seems that don't get much inspiration to write.
what's funnier (the irony of it all) is that most of the time the thoughts that get me write are the sad ones; heartbreak, disappointment and now, good byes.
last saturday night i was feeling so scared of going to the meeting the next day. i felt so uneasy i didn't want to to go at all. but because i had to i did. but that was after stalling for about an hour. i was so scared and sad but hopeful that the news wasn't true. i remember praying for an affirmation of my wish everytime you spoke to us.
but of course it was true. you were both leaving. although i know that you always say nothing is final, i could already feel the air of separation lingering. and although my eyes always fail me, i told myself that i am not going to cry.
nevertheless i want to thank you both. i remember myself thinking, who would have thought that my parents' friends who gave me such a nice gift for my 18th birthday, and whom i'm not familiar with at that time, will be such a big part of my life later on.
thank you for being like a second set of parents to me. but i'm even more thankful, that i have such great friends in you both. i would have given up a long time ago if not for you. i wouldn't be the person i am now if you didn't come to touch my life. thank you for all the advice, the laughter, the memories. although you might have felt like we've lost touch these past few months, i want to tell you that i will always be around though i may sometimes be crushed by heavy workload.
i won't cry anymore. but i won't be afraid to say good bye. i still am your little angel and will always be.
"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."
Welcome to Stuck In A Moment. This is Iya, and this is MY story.
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