today i'm feeling a contradiction of emotions. mainly this is because the last couple of days i've been thinking too much about a lot of things and a lot of people. i guess life's just like that. you kinda take in one day at a time. today will always be different from tomorrow. this week will always feel different from the other week. so i guess i'm not emotionally unstable. hehe.
so today i'm kind feeling a mixture of longing, sadness, relief, satisfaction and boredom all at the same time. weird. plus they're misdirected to different people and recent events i'd rather not disclose.
last night i almost had a jared padalecki overdose as i watched the house of wax (yes, the paris hilton flick) and a supernatural episode one after the other. they're both supposed to be scary and i'm proud of myself that i got to watch them by myself and finished it entirely. okay, okay. so i changed the channel every once and a while, and i covered my eyes when i think i can't take the gore and morbidity. believe me, i had more disgusting encounters at the apartment and here at our dirty kitchen yesterday. i don't even want to think about them again.
i'm so proud of my cluster as we won over-all champion in the yfc east b sector sports and cultural fest again. that's two years in a row na. we're truly blessed. the greatest thing about it is that we only competed in three categories in the cultural fest and all of them won 1st place. so proud of my kids i am. so proud. so thankful to our coordinators to the father above too. :)
so i guess i'm parking my typing here now. ej and i need to get ready for another week of school and work respectively. we're at home right now. but i guess not after 4 hours. ta-ta!
x's: happy birthday z and ate jojo! i know you deserve everything you have right now. a wish you both more blessings. kelan libre? hehe. zjaye, bon voyage! thanks for everything.
confessions of a runaway lover
Thursday, July 13, 2006
the other night i was reading my old journal. my 'black book' as i called it, since it had black pages where i had to use metallic gel pens so i can read whatever i write there. it was my third journal, i think, in my whole lifetime as i remembered keeping a 'diary' when i was in grade school, then highschool and then finally this one in my freshman year in college. obviously this was all before i discovered blogging.
as i was reading the entries i was laughing to myself because i realized a lot of things;
realization #1, that for a sixteen-year-old who got into UP, my grammar still sucked big time. even then i was already writing my entries in english. thinking about my statement mishaps now actually gives me the goosebumps.
realization #2, that i have terrible penmanship. this can be excusable though, due to the fact that i write mostly while lying down or on my belly, and at times i fall asleep while writing. the latter is true. i remember reading incoherent phrases with mathematical equations squeezed in. as it turned out, i have a math quiz the day after and i was probably dreaming about it. hehe.
and lastly, realization #3, that i sometimes my mind works exactly the same now that i'm 21 years old, compared to when i was 16. creepy, but true. especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
i'm one of those people you'll call a runner. i remembered reading alot about past loves and how confused i get everyday. how frequently i change my mind about people, especially those who care about me. i'm not commitment-phobic, i just tend to get confused, scared and then i run whenever someone gets too close; hurting that someone in the process. take these examples:
exhibit A: WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN. i just rediscovered that i codenamed him 'the friend' in my black book. and that was because it was what seems he was to me. until things got confusing, that is. it was all documented in the black book, the sweetness, the wars, the running. i'm lucky i have him as my bestfriend now. that everything was behind us. it was through him that i discovered that platonic love feels alot better than romantic love. at least that's what i think.
exhibit B. WHEN I WAS NINETEEN. wehehe. this one's funny. because the guy i ran away from, i actually end up with. yep, that's right. it was mykel. i remember when my first relationship ended, oftentimes my friend arden would tell me not to stop considering someone as a potential partner the moment i notice even a little inch of something that seems wrong about that person. i guess that's what happened to me and kel. or maybe i was not ready for another relationship at that time. again luckily he waited for me. sometimes it makes me think of how long a guy can actually wait.
exhibit C. NOW THAT I'M TWENTY-ONE. i think you'll get to see that one in here, in the 'black blog'. check the archives. clue: january. anyways, i don't know still where that one's going. but lately things here have been flowing smoothly and i'm happy with my decision. sometimes you just have to choose and stick with it. or else you'll never be happy.
i didn't learn of the term 'running away' until i watched this certain dawson's creek episode (which i think was the last one of the series) where a dying jen was talking to a confused joey about not running away from her problems. her problems being guys who want to love her and both she loves as well. i was pondering on all of these while i was chatting with my ate caryl sometime ago when something she said struck me.
'dearie, collect and collect and then run.'
ahaha. isn't life ironic?
the angel rocked @ 4:44 AM
|
rant absorber | 0
rants
_______________________________________________
closing cycles
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
"Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important."
today i received an article by paulo coelho named closing cycles (thanks david). suddenly everything seemed to fall into place for me; i finally found out what it is i should do with something that has been bothering me for weeks now, and consequently i accomplished a lot today. it feels great. i've been searching for peace of mind for a long time and reading that article enlightened me.
i realized that sometimes the only way to find peace is to let go. you may leave some things, in many cases 'someones', behind but all i can do is be grateful that i have found those people and things and that they have been part of my life. because i need my life back. i need myself back.
to my friends, my ates, kuyas and titas, you know who you are, i hope you've read the article above. god knows how thankful i am that i have you in my life. i'm not leaving. i'm simply moving on. i'm still here. thank you for making me feel that i am part of something wonderful. i'm sure going to miss the things we've been doing. it has been a part of me for so long.
to jaaayce, i know you're probably going to read this (yeah you, hehe). thank you. for being my shock absorber, my confidante and for being someone who makes me smile every single day. thanks. i know there'll be more happy days for the both of us. :)
the angel rocked @ 11:01 AM
|
rant absorber | 2
rants
_______________________________________________
WELCOME TO MY WORLD
"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."
Welcome to Stuck In A Moment. This is Iya, and this is MY story.
Click on the labels aboce to navigate through the pages. And don't forget to
drop a note in my tagboard or email me your hello's and comments.
