wishing i had a heart of stone
Monday, April 17, 2006
Invincible by Christian Bautista
I don't have nerves of steel I have a heart that feels I may have cried a million tears but i won't drown I let myself unfold Gave you my hand to hold You took me beyond where i could see And then you let go of me
I was damaged by the fall Got the wind knocked out of me To be standing here at all I must be invincible
I don't have x-ray eyes Don't have a heart so wise How could i have known you'd let me down If i have known that then If my eyes were wide open I still believe i would've risked it There's no way i would've missed it
if you want to listen to the song click here. it's sad, yet beautiful.
*love surrounds me, and sometimes it makes it hard for me to breathe. the song above makes me think of something i've loved this past few weeks, which in the end goes to disappoint me. over and over. i'm wishing again that i shouldn't have let my self drown.
i came, i saw, i ate durian... uhh don't want to remember that part anymore. hehe.
i'm back from davao. actually last sunday pa. :) funny now i realize it was a week ago na and i haven't posted about it yet.
it was a lot of fun since it was my first time to visit a philippine island outside luzon. i have been to the states five years ago but i've been dying to tour the rest of the phils. mostly this was because of what one of my history classmates in college told me four years ago, almost accusingly: 'nakarating ka na sa ibang bansa pero yung visayas at mindanao hinde mo pa napupuntahan.'
it was a refreshing experience being out of luzon (away from home, from work, and all my routines and duties). davao is not entirely different but it does give me a foreign feel. imagine that for an 'urban' place the roads were so wide though they are not really main streets (almost 4-laned), that surroundings were clean, the people were so friendly; during my whole stay i never got declined for a ride to wherever i wanted be it tricycle, jeep or taxi... except on some intances where the drivers find the places a tad bit too far. which they are, actually. ahaha.
it was great spending the trip with 100+ other batangueno yfcs and coordinators. the checking in and flights were crazy and riotous. it was also nice to see a large number people wearing our bright yellow-green batangas ganda/pogi shirts scattered on the International Leaders' Conference venue grounds.
as reported there were 7000+ participants in this year's ILC, most of them coming from the first time host island in 8 years, mindanao, some coming from as far as nothern luzon. this is smaller than 10-15K participants in the past years but for a place as far as davao, this is big enough for me... plus, imagine this number dancing in the rain. yep. it RAINED. as the ILC veterans attested, it was the first time it rained on an ILC (kaya nga summer ginaganap para walang ulan) and to see the participants and organizers doing the 'rain dance' for two nights (yep, the two nights of the conference), despite impending colds and having to sit on wet grass and clothes later, was an awesome sight. to quote kuya jq during the first session after the rain, 'walang fireworks for the first time (dahil banned sa davao), pero may water works!'. the experience was truly inspiring.
kel and i had our share of banters while in davao. hehe. actually pinagtulungan ata nila ko ni TJG. hmmp. (hello TJG! *wave*). i remember us getting on a fight because we can't find each other on the gaisano shopping mall. it turns out there were 3 gaisano malls on the city and we're on 2 different ones. if that's not crazy, i don't know what else to call it.
i have pictures pero partial palang yun ng captured moments. i uploaded them on my multiply account: *click here!*. i decided i needed to use multiply because it has better photo album functionalities than friendster. (i realized that i haven't been taking good care of my friendster account too.) click on the pictures there to know more of the story behind the my davao espcapade.
it's ironic that i'm kinda missing the smell of durian. it seems that you can smell it all over davao e. i'm also craving for durian candies (not the real fruit please), suha, kinilaw, and tada! shopping. i miss my yfc friends na, too. oh well, there's always BOHOL next year. yipee...
the angel rocked @ 9:46 AM
|
rant absorber | 0
rants
_______________________________________________
death of a pudgy
Thursday, April 6, 2006
i've been gone for weeks, not because i was busy, but because i fell in love. no, not with a guy.
i fell in love... with a boy, a girl and their love story.
i can't even begin to fathom how i fell in love with them...
... it must be because i've always fallen for serendipitous encounters. theirs wasn't just a mushy movie scene, it was as REAL as it gets --- a guy and a girl trapped inside a house where every move you make, and every word you say is recorded for 57 days; the guy falling for the girl at first sight; the girl caught off guard as her long-time crush was unintentionally placed in the house with her, with nowhere to hide --- they made me believe in fate-slash-destiny again.
... it must be because they seem so MFEO (meant for each other), maybe because they look so good together. or maybe it was the you-and-me-against the world thing, the bakit-ngayon-ka-lang, right-love-at-the-wrong-time angle to their drama. must be because i am intrigued on how much love you can see in their eyes and how much effort they put in just to not let it show. they fell for each other but they can't do anything about it. because she's got someone waiting for her outside.
if i had only written this entry earlier you would have witnessed how happy i was each day. with my mood changing only according to their actions. my happiness dependent on their conversations, sweet nothings and playful interactions of which transcripts, videos even, my fellow stalkers provide as nourishment. you would be surprised to know how i was risking it all just to get my daily dose of them and when i mean dose - i mean almost 20 hours of it. how i almost lost my social life, my love life. walang tulog. walang gana kumain. puro pc. they sustain my day. even while traveling, they invade my thoughts. makes me think even more how i am such a HOPELESS romantic. and take note of the emphasis on the word HOPELESS.
last saturday, their 57 days of seclusion ended and it was time for them to go back to the real world. VERY BAD IDEA. it was like my world (together with thousands of other avid fans' worlds) crashed as reality sunk in. after all the hours we spent not sleeping to watch their story, after all the money we wasted to keep them together inside the house until the end (yes, this was my first time to vote and act to affect change, no matter how pathetic the cause is) and after all the emotions i have painstakingly invested on them, i was struck by one awfully sad realization: they can never be together. despite all the unspoken promises. despite the quiet agreements their stares gave each other. they can never be. no matter how i want them to have a happy ending. because society wouldn't allow it.
my mom said i've always gone for the love pairs on the losing end. peachy and jm of tgis, shan cai and lei of meteor garden, michelle and seph of scq reload. (kanya-kanyang trip yan walang pakialaman. baduy na kung baduy.) but all of those couples were works of fiction. this time around, the love story was REAL. so real and it makes me think it's so damn sucks to be them. falling in love so hard under the scrutiny of all types of viewers. and then doing all sorts of damage control to save face when the 'dream sequence' ended. it's hard to be on both of their shoes. the girl confused and judged, the guy struggling to makes sense of it all and got left behind.
it's stupid but i'm hurting for people who don't even know me. now i feel like crying whenever i hear sad love songs. like i'm the one who lost my love life. if i'd only known that it will all come to this i wouldn't have let myself drown in this madness. but that's a little too late now.
the only thing i'm sure of is that what they had was something that can't easily be forgotten. it was my mom who said that she saw something different in the way the two look at each other. you can see it in the eyes. if it's true love only time will tell. because now seems really not the right time.
i wish them happiness. and if each other is really what their hearts clamor for, i hope they would go for it. because the chance for happiness may only come once. as the saying goes: " If you take the leap... You'd be taught how to fly" take it from me, i've been there one to many times. maybe it's part of the bianjoe charm that got me hooked. their story mirrored some chunks of my love life. i don't regret anything that happened with regards to my past relationships. i stand by my decisions and though sometimes it would hurt, i know i've done the right thing because i did it for happiness --- mine and eventually, theirs.
P.S. this would be way out of the topic, but i'm going to Davao tomorrow with kel and TJG for the ILC. i'll be gone for a few days and that's good. that means i'll get some time to detach myself from all this craziness. hopefully when i come back there will be great news.
the angel rocked @ 2:28 AM
|
rant absorber | 11
rants
_______________________________________________
WELCOME TO MY WORLD
"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."
Welcome to Stuck In A Moment. This is Iya, and this is MY story.
Click on the labels aboce to navigate through the pages. And don't forget to
drop a note in my tagboard or email me your hello's and comments.
