i speak...
i'm an open type of person. i speak out my emotions
usually pero i can be very private at times. i love to
dance and to sing
and i love the company of my friends and my family.
i'm an overly talkative, compassionate dreamer, a
romantic at heart.
i'm a writer too.
words i'd love to live by/tara-inspired
i will create my day
i will create my reality, moment to moment
i will change my mind
i will open myself to the infinite realm of possibility
i will leave room for auspicious coincidence
i will not decide what is next
i will not decide what is real
i will not expect
i will have confidence
i will boycott self-doubt
i will have confidence to go beyond hesitation
i will not be afraid to be afraid
i will remember who I am
oh, yeah. i will also have fun...
i love...
GOD
my family
net-surfing
reading young adult books
music
movies and tv
best thing i've seen this day
Saturday, January 28, 2006
funny how my mood can change that quickly. i was browsing my friendster and emails (finally i have access) at home, when i came across a picture. they're of two of my little brothers and sisters in chemsoc. somehow when i came across this shot of theirs i flipped. could it be? hehe. although just to be clear: i'm not nosing around and i'm not implying anything. :D
anyways, it's the best thing i've seen this day. one of the things that made me really smile actually. the other was the crazy kid in the dark, no, not the same as the one is alabang (malamang, i haven't been to alabang today). he looked like he was 5-7 years of age and as i trod the dark road to our home, (i always walk at the center of the road, feeling superior and much safer, hey, gabi, na, la nang vehicles) this boy in a sideward-worn cap (also at the center) began dishing out dance moves like i wasn't there. it was so funny. even after we have passed each other he was still dancing, arms and legs out-stretched and all. :)
i'm okay now, thanks and sorry to the people who got concerned with my previous entry. this too shall pass. i'm sure of it. meanwhile, i'm gonna catch up with my friendster friends some more.
hatinggabi, habang nasa office parin ako, nagoovertime (names withheld, pero obvious; saka edited for more wholesome viewing):
voldemort: minsan you get too USED to the fact na andyan sya parati... pero pag nawala sya reality will strike and iiyak ka na lang sa isang sulok nickes: tama hunnie: @#$ voldemort! hunnie: yan kaya yung naramdaman ko!!! voldemort: reality bites talaga... hunnie: #^#@! nickes: oo nga amp voldemort! nickes: ako din! hunnie: nde ko lam pero bigla nalang ako naiiyak hunnie: as in voldemort: at ano namang darma mo nickes?
ano nga ba ang drama? last night i was so overworked and heartbroken i felt i had to spill. what happened? i have lost my bestfriend here. i lost you.
i don't know if i'll be able to get used to not having you around. though it has only been a short while, i felt like i've known you forever (as cliched as that may sound). you have always been there with me, most of the time goofing around, nagchichismisan. you've always taken care of me, making me feel safe. last night was my first time alone here, i couldn't stand it.
i'm sorry for everything i've caused you. i never meant for everything to be this way. maybe it's true that some good things never really last. i was wrong to have thought what we have will stay as is.
i wish i could keep you. i wish things did not get as complicated. i know it's unfair, i know it's my fault too. i kept you close. too close that everything went awry.
there are no words to express how much i'm grateful for our friendship. much i as i don't want to let go of our routines, we have to. that would make our lives boring, i know. but somehow i figured that way, it'll all be better. better for you at least.
i'll miss you. there, i said it. :(
the angel rocked @ 3:18 AM
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firsts, seconds and lasts
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
firsts. last friday was my first time to go clubbing. my office friends and i celebrated leo's birthday and we initially didn't have a battle plan (only to go to a KTV but that was too expensive for us pawns). we ended up eating dinner late, but luckily chancing upon a huge videoke booth in an arcade in eastwood. we were crazy. * last night was my first time too, to go to a scuba diving class. it turned out to be boring, not because the speakers and people there are uninteresting but because i've already read some of the facts beforehand. plus thinking of the expenses before you can actually get to dive is unnerving. i'm not giving up though. first scuba-diving, then sky-diving! * what i was afraid of for the longest time happened yesterday. much as i was trying to deny it would happen, it did. it was the first time i was considered a cause for the destruction of something that has been there before i came in the picture. i knew i had it coming.
seconds. yesterday was also the second time i was told by a person that he didn't want to ruin my already perfect life (first time was in my junior year in college). although it sounds appealing that i have a seemingly 'perfect' life, under the circumstances (in both cases that is) i most definitely don't think i do. why are they existing in my life anyways?
syatong buhay 'to oo.
lasts. i heard the song 'can't cry hard enough' when i was in the bus this morning. that's the only time i realized it had a line that says: 'I'm gonna live my life, like every day's the last'. at first i thought the song was for a lost love, you know, the relationship type, but then when i read the full lyrics i discovered it's more for the departed loved ones. a tribute song. sad, but true. there are things people can't say to a person when the other is still living. it usually takes a long time to gather up the courage, but then sometimes it turns out to be too late. * there are times when i wish that i could live each day as if it is my last... you know, carpe diem! last day at work, last chat with family and friends, last piece of chocolate to eat, giving and living my best. but then again, all this woes never fail to come my way and i can't think of living at all. i thank the Lord that he never lets me give up. * isn't it tiring to hear a person saying 'last yosi na', 'last cuss word na', 'last promise broken na' but then they could have said those words over a million times because they still keep on doing it? sometimes it's better to not say anything at all than to utter a million 'lasts' in a lifetime.
lighter it was a crappy day yesterday, but it was as if the Lord sent me angels to console me: for example, after the scuba class in makati, i had to commute alone to alabang (not my usual route) and walk in a dark alley to get to the bus terminal (i was praying so hard because i am already not used to walking alone as i usually have tatay with me). unfortunately the contact lens in my right eye was fogging up that i have to cover it with one hand so my left eye can focus better.
that's when i heard a boy's voice calling loud, twice: 'ate, ate bakit ka umiiyak?' at first i was appalled as the boy, who's face i cannot see through the blackness of the night, appeared KSP to me. i called back 'hinde ako umiiyak', a bit irritated but then the kid said; 'mahal naman kita e'.
there i was, one-eyed and scurrying in the dark, a smile forming on my lips. hehe. that was funny. was that you God? ;)
yesterday i was wreck, today too, (due to issues of the heart and deadlines) but i'm feeling better now because i have friends i can talk to and a great family to come home to. i'm still fortunate.
p.s. i'm glad this post is lighter than the others. ciao.
the angel rocked @ 11:09 AM
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lokohan na to
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
from the start i knew that this isn't something that would last. pero matigas ang ulo ko e. i've let myself fall into some hole i couldn't get myself out of. and that sucks. naglolokohan lang tayo. and we both know it. i wish you would just stop. because if that happens, i will too. i just know i would.
lately i have been a crackhead poster because i have so much in my head i couldn't put them into words. it seems that is the case whenever i get confused. i become stupid. and that's all because of you. stupid you.
many times i've been trying to come up with a decent blog entry but i can't. i'm tempted even now to just post song lyrics that fit my state of consciousness. so here's one:
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
I can't be losing sleep over this, no I can't and now I cannot stop pacing give me a few hours I'll have this all sorted out if my mind would just stop racing cause I cannot stand still I can't be this unsturdy this cannot be happening this is over my head but underneath my feet cause by tomorrow morning I'll have this thing beat and everything will be back to the way that it was I wish that it was just that easy cause I'm waiting for tonight and then waiting for tomorrow and I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream what is real and just a dream what is real and just a dream would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in don't be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again I don't want to run away from this I know that I just don't need this cause I cannot stand still I can't be this unsturdy this cannot be happening, yeah cause I'm waiting for tonight and then waiting for tomorrow and I'm somewhere in between what is real and just a dream what is real and just a dream what is real and just a dream what is real and just a dream
a series of confusing events
Saturday, January 14, 2006
i haven't been in the mood to write anything lately. that's mainly because there have been a lot of things happening and a lot more running through my head, i can't contain it. all the more, i can't express it. it's not like i can tell you about it either. let's just say getting to work everyday seems alot different. not ultimately bad nor good. just plain weird and at times, it's scaring me.
to lighten things up i'm posting here one of those surveys people always answer on friendster. tha catch is, my answers here will be what my answers were a year and half ago. curious? check it out:
98 questions survey answered: 09-14-2004
1. name: Aira Guia Mascarinas Platon 2. nicknames: iya, iyah, ai (ke loida lang to), ya, iyayo, a (as in letter a), i (as in e) 3. location: Room 3C, 57 Lt. J. Francisco St. Krus na Ligas, Diliman, Quezon City 4. sex: female 5. marital status: single 6. birthday: november 1, 1984 7. piercing: the usual. pero dati 3. hmmph nagclose na. 8. tattoos: henna lang once a year 9. height: 5’2 10. hair color: bLaCk 11. length: super layered, pero hanggang likod yung longest part 12. eye color: light brown 13. pets: fishes back at home. the only ones who survived the family hehe
[LasT] 14. movie you rented: borrowed is the operative term, csi episodes :) 15. movie you bought: almost famous 16. song you listened to: mad season by matchbox twenty 17. song you had stuck in your head: burn 18. person you've called: texted lang, si mama 19. person that called you: kel 20. movie you've watched: the notebook 21. person you were thinking of: kel 22. person you hugged: kel 23. person you kissed: kel 24. person you went to eat out with: joy and loida 25. person you slowed dance with: kel 26. person you yelled at: sina maam castri, donz, bick at pau kasi natapunan ako ng cobalt chloride! 27. person who made you laugh: loida 28. person who made you smile: mama 29. person who said they love you: mama 30. person to talk to: catheleen 31. feeling: inaantok na, tapos miss ko na kel ko 32. thing in the world: 33. thing that happened to you today: contract signing with the caterer and lots more.:)
[PpL] 34. closest: loida, kel, mark 35. tallest: earvin 36. shortest: sarah! 37. meanest:arden hehe 38. nicest: shela 39. prettiest: cheek 40. sexiest: rhay 41. loudest: guia 42. smartest: bryan 43. craziest: joy 44. most violent: ako pa rin 45. best singer: pow, nissa, ate tin 46. best dresser: rhay 47. makes you laugh the most: joy 48. makes you smile the most: kel 49. has a crush on you: nde ko lam e 50. gives you a funny feeling?: secret! 51. turns you on: aba aba aba
[ Do] 52. you have a bf: yep :) 53. you wish you could live somewhere else: sometimes 54. you think about suicide: nde na ngayon because god is always with me 55. you believe in online dating: not so sure. 56. you want more piercings: yep, yun katulad ng dati 57. you want more tattoos: no permanent ones please 58. you drink: occasionally lang po 59. you do drugs: no and will never will 60. you like cleaning: when i feel like it, which is rare 61. you write in cursive or print: priNt 62. you carry a donor card: nope
[ FoR oR AgAiNsT] 63. long distance relationships: i don't really know, it works for others, siguro nga love conquers all 64. using someone: against as much as possible 65. suicide: against 66. killing people: against 67. teenage smoking: against 68. doing drugs: against 69. premarital sex: against 70. gay/lesbian relationships: neutral
[FaVeRiT] 71. song: rainbow, where is the love 72. thing to do: tinker with my computer, write stories, surf the net for my faves, text 73. thing to talk about: celebs 74. sports: volleyball 75. drinks: iced tea, fruit juices, frappes, coke 76. perfume+scent: rampage 77. holiday: all saints' day, hehe bday ko toh e 78. ever cried over a girl/ boy: oo naman 79. ever lied to someone: guilty 80. ever been in a fight: warfreak ako dati e, ngayon medyo na lang :D 81. first crush: adonis, grade 3 hehe 82. first love: god 83. most recent crush: sef
[wUt] 84. shampoo do you use: pantene 85. are you scared of: failure, a bad future 86. do you look for in a gf/bf?: basta, someone who'll make me feel complete 87. do you think is cool?: people who have great faith in god
[NuMBaH] 88. of times I have had my heart broken: lost count, pero nde lahat becoz of love 89. of hearts I have broken: dunno 90. of girls I have kissed: 2 pero mama at ate ko yun hehe 91. of guyz I have kissed: teka, san? 92. of drugs taken illegally: 0 93. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends:7 94. of continents I have lived in: 1 95. of people I consider my enemies: wala naman thank god 96. of people annoys me: cguro 2 97. of cd's that I own: around 55 ata 98. of things in my past that I regret: wala po, just those moments when i could have given my best but didn't
funny how i look back to those days and see a very different me. i just don't know which is better.
ending, i just want to share this quote i found years ago. it just seemed appropriate for me to post it because it kinda fits my mood and the things i'm feeling right now. i'm feeling a bit secretive and mysterious so i'll let you figure it all out on your own. hope you enjoy it too.
'Fall' is the operative term. Not 'walk', 'leap', or 'glide', but 'fall'. It denotes plummeting from a height, landing with a thud, incurring welts and bruises. That's why it's called 'falling in love:' you could wind up maimed... or dead. - Jessica Zafra, "Chicken Pox for the Soul
the angel rocked @ 11:33 AM
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crystal
Thursday, January 5, 2006
suddenly, everything seems so clear. that this is not going to last. that this is so wrong. that i am hopeless and stupid for thinking that this is no big of deal. but my heart tells me otherwise. probably because i feel like im shredded to bits and my heart can no longer bear to understand the complexities of my pathetic existence. it's all the same. i always get left behind.
*author's note: this has nothing to do with my life with kel. i'll explain later.
the angel rocked @ 9:36 AM
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WELCOME TO MY WORLD
"As happens sometimes a moment settled and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stopped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone."
Welcome to Stuck In A Moment. This is Iya, and this is MY story.
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