what on earth am i here for?
Sunday, September 25, 2005
i've just been pondering on what the lord really has in store for me, for my future. at the same time i was contemplating (in the bathroom of all places) on the fact that He gave me so much 'talent' and opportunities to learn many different things of different fields and with that i feel so privileged, but a bit confused too honestly. what i am really destined to do?
the purpose of what follows is not for me to brag about my credentials but just to share most of my significant realizations and theories for this day. i just hope you can bear with it.
throughout the almost first two decades of my life, i have been blessed with good grades, an acceptable singing voice and dancing ability, i have learned how to play the piano and guitar, have performed in front of a large audience, tried stage acting, and have led several organizations (religious, academic and those for leisure). each school year, i realized, was never complete without numerous extra curricular activities.
but god didn't stop at that.
i got to a college where teachers are not restricted, and where learning is much on an uncensored basis. i majored in chemistry and took up extra biology courses (the chem part i still don't know what for yet, but the bio is supposedly for med school). i'm proud to know much about the chemicals on my shampoo, medicine and my meals, and how my body functions, even at the cellular level. i also have learned a lot about society, philosophy, history and art.
i also have a serious knack for web design, video-editing, writing and directing that my mom once considered me getting a film and audio-visual communication degree.
and now at work i'm training for computer programming, which was what i originally wanted to do but don't know anything much about yet. it's not out of my league, just out of the box built for me in college.
i may be a jack of all trades, but i am a master of none... yet. i'm still searching for that something that would complete the puzzle. the main reason for my existence.
so, these are few of the guesses i have on what i am really going to be in the future, based on what i have been equipped with so far:
- a rock star, like in my daydreams
- one of the future housemates in pinoy big brother
- the biochemist who discovers the cure for AIDS
- a neurosurgeon
- a religious or political leader
- a best-selling writer
- an award-winning film writer/director
- a kick-ass software engineer/developer for maxis or microsoft or both.
some of these (okay, most of it) might be a little far-fetched (okay, greatly not just a little), but hey, nothing is impossible. just like according to inxs' new lead singer JD Fortune:
"Remember to always believe in yourself my friends. If anyone calls you a dreamer remind them that the building they work in came from a dreamer, the car they're driving came from a dreamer. The computer they love, the cell phone they use, movies and music they escape in - all came from dreamers."
the angel rocked @ 12:12 AM
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washing machine
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
the past weekend was a real emotional rollercoaster ride for me. and though i would not prefer to divulge everything here, i'd leave the title as a clue and then shower you with just the happy highlights.
as i've revealed on my last post, i already received my first ever sweat-and-literally-blood-earned moolah. and i'm not that sad to say half of it have already slipped my hands, i'm cheery even, because i got to treat my family to a fancy dinner (just mom, dad, ej, kuya ervin, ate linda and my inaanak, elvin, though; nanay and earl got only take-outs). this was one, if not the most dreamt about of my first payday fantasies, honestly speaking. and thus, i'm blissful it came true. kel and i also celebrated my triumph last thursday over another dose of pizzahut bistro in gateway. i wouldn't wonder now if once again, i gain a few pounds.
about work, we've started with our ABAP programming training this morning in makati; which was after my battle with the monday madness morning rush. the training's pretty hard for me actually, it's like starting college all over again, with the studying and all. heck we even have a syllabus for the 6-week course, and i have no background in programming whatsoever, except for whatever i do with this site. but actually, i'm finding the learning coupled with earning quite hefty with motivation. i'm planning of actually continuing my studying tonight.
well, i guess this is ciao for me, for now. in case i forget anything i wanted to blab about, i'll probably get to it on the weekends. the connection on our new workplace is apparently firewalled. but then again, with the 15 of us that rowdy, there are definitely, no rules.
and also i have a new fixation. it's the new sony ericsson walkman. apparently something that i can't have... hopefully just for the time being.
p.s.
i'm recommending the disney flick sky high for a bit of viewing pleasure. i loved it. you know i love superheroes. except for darna that is. =)
the angel rocked @ 2:23 PM
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for potter fans
my officemate got the scoop on the newest potter movie trailer, this afternoon and so i came, i saw, i nearly died (of course just metaphorically) when i witnessed it with all its sfx glory. so here it is, i'm not selfish am i?
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Movie Exclusive
ooh, i can't wait for november 18. =)
the angel rocked @ 1:54 PM
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the rocker's first pay-day
Friday, September 16, 2005
i'm excited to see my atm card balance but i'm concerned it might not be as impressive as my officemates', for the reason that i've enrolled into alot of health and life insurances and savings plans which would chip a lot from my first salary. but thinking back, i'm actually proud of myself, that i signed me and my parents up for those. it's the least i can do to help my parents considering i'm earning a not-so-awe-worthy salary... yet. i'm getting all jittery thinking this would be the first time i'll hold hard-earned money i officially worked for. ah. no. scrap that. i realized actually earned pennies when i used to watch our old video shop for my mom and i also got a small amount from my summer internship. so this is not my first pay-day after all. but then again, you all know what i mean.
i'll be in full control of my money and all my expenses from now on. i can't make pasalubong requests from my mom whenever she goes to the mall anymore, or make her buy me anything anymore, because i don't have any excuse to not have the money to buy what i want or need. and that actually saddens and scares the hell out of me, because i feel a bit detached to my parents already. an independent entity who could now (well, almost) stand on her own feet.
i've been drowning myself in online trainings to make up for all the time i've wasted last week. i'm also making the most of the online time i'm not spending in learning as next week marks the start of our formal training in ABAP. you go research what that means (initially i didn't have a clue either) but i have been informed that people get paid alot for having background in that language. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i'll become what someone told me i could be in the future... a millionaire. getting here is not that bad after all. i hope i'll get to say this still after the six-week training. wish me lots of luck.
last night i got to morph into the night-owl that i've always been as i tried to catch all the shows i've been missing; one tree hill, so little time, friends, etc. i got to watch csi miami on its wednesday slot again and this time, believe it or not, they had tidal waves on the show. i don't know if that episode was pre or post the 2004 tsunami incident, i didn't get to see the end credits. i realized yesterday that the miami franchise is becoming the unrealistic show i originally thought it was, at least i think for that particular episode. although i enjoyed seeing the proving-to-be-hunkier-by-the-minute newbie ryan (i like him because he was a surprisingly believable smart ass in the show and a bit dorky like las vegas' greg) , i was grossed out to see horatio ever the action hero. i just didn't buy it.
i enjoyed the rockstar inxs performances episode last night but was a bit confused on who to bet on at first. it's only week before the finale and the remaining four were unbelievably fantastic performance and talent-wise. as i revealed on a past post i'm rooting for mig for patriotic reasons but i was a bit swayed when inxs said that he's too nice to be a rock star. that he needed to be more edgy.
of course marty and jd are much edgier and nastier but i think marty is not really fit to be inxs vocalist. he's too Creed-ish. sorry, but that's what he reminds of. jd, whom i hated 'at first' (what can i say i really think his 'pretty vegas' might as well be a new inxs single), is more theatrical and phony. plastic in philippine jargon, that is. suzie, oh well, she has a great voice and drive but she gets jittery around inxs. i dunno, i'd like a woman to win too though.
what blew me away last night was when mig performed painted black of the rolling stones and kiss from a rose by seal. oh heck, i never liked kiss from a rose till last night. it was awesome. i hope he gets the encore performance and stay out of the bottom three as he had all season. the hell with being edgy, let mig win. =)
the angel rocked @ 2:23 AM
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shet. burnout.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
enough of sugarfree. i love the song but for some reason, i can't stand it. okay i'm gonna keep my mouth shut now.
the angel rocked @ 6:53 AM
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nothing really matters...
there i was, watching another corporate-world-information-filled The Apprentice last night, relaxing all my work and commuting blues away when i received a text message from rhay. she said they all passed the board exam which they took last monday and tuesday. i kinda knew they'd all pass, but what bothered (<- a huge understatement) me the most is that another friend asked me (AGAIN) if i was sure i had my exam application cancelled. apparently, the passing percentage of our school was only 98% (believe me, even this isn't good enough for them) because 1 out of the 50 failed. and of course they immediately thought it was me. one of our classmates saw my name on the examinees list and they all thought it was to be considered as failed because i didn't take the exam.
i wanted to pull all my hair out because i was so pissed. pissed at her (afterwards she told me she was just concerned i'll get a failing record... oh right...), pissed at the possibility that the PRC messed up and honestly, pissed at the fact i might be labelled a loser because i was the only one in my world who didn't get a chemist license this year and i caused my alma mater a great deal of shame. well, sort of. i cried again last night. i hate feeling all my frustrations dig in to me.
and then they found out it wasn't me. and she apologized quite profusely and i appreciated that. i thanked the lord over and over for that and the fact that i wasn't the culprit.
now here i am again at work, under-achieving and possibly garnering potential enemies along the way. stupid time reports. must be PMS. i know this will all come to pass like all of my past rantings though. i hope it will.
about the title, do you recognize it as a line from the bohemian rhapsody? i got to watch RockStar INXS this week. i'm a fan of mig ayesa for the sole reason that we share the same birth country, the wonderful philippines. as i said to my mom and dad last night 'gotta love your own'. plus he's really good. last night was elimination night. i relieved mig wasn't eliminated but i think jordis was a big loss. she has a spectacular voice. i checked out their site and found the rockers' blogs there. it was nice to read mig wrote the song he performed for his tita (note, he uses filipino terms) who died. that was so sweet.
i found video clips of their past performances there too. i didn't get to watch last week and wednesday's episode so i checked them out. i was particularly intrigued with suzie's performance of the bohemian rhapsody. i know constantine from the last season of american idol already did a stellar performance then of the song but i needed to see a girl rock this. it was okay, pretty interesting, but then she hit some flat notes in some parts. over-all the performance was okay. at least she's still in the top four after that.
if you want to check it out click this > http://rockstar.msn.com/video/performance/wk08
nothing really matters... to me...
the angel rocked @ 2:16 AM
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remember what you're here for
Friday, September 9, 2005
why is it that when you get what you've always desired, you get sick of it after a few days and take it for granted?
i'm at work obviously and my laziness is beginning to take it's toll. after constant bugging, the people in charge finally gave our group our passwords, security passes and whatnot. i feel i like an employee at last. the problem is, now that i have access to almost everything (almost, take note, i told you we were neglected pawns) and even have my own local number and corporate email address, my lethargicness is widely increasing and i am consciously rejecting any opportunity to learn through the online trainings. de ja vu setting in. i just wish i'm not like this, that i have more control over my actions and work ethics.
so how have you been? you can openly comment on this post now though you're not blogger member. i finally caught sight of the comment options menu and found out that non-user option was there all along. me and my lack of interest in reading important details.
i'm off in less than an hour. that means i'm off to another 2-hour bus ride home. great. just great. at least i have kel with me this time.
p.s.
i'm still having a blast socializing with my new found friends (aka my officemates), we often eat lunch together (all 15 of us) at the upper ground pantry. we'll still be staying here at cubao until next week, i think. after that, only god knows what.
the angel rocked @ 8:48 AM
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is this burning an eternal flame?
Tuesday, September 6, 2005
what's with the mushy title you ask? as it turns out our first anniversary was not as bad as i thought it will be (so negative am i?). well everything seem to suck at first but was redeemed by the end of the day resulting to a thrilled, kinikilig blogger which by the way, is yours truly.
everything was not as imagined it to be.
firstly, we didn't get to greet each other at 1:20am (approximate time of birth of the relationship) because kel got drunk. yes, drunk and apparently, sullen because of our fight the night before. i was furious because i was waiting, with eyes already droopy, til the wee hours of dawn for the greeting. later that morning, after a waking up shoutfest, he arrived at our home, all dressed-up, with flowers at hand. by that time i was still unforgiving and tearful, blaming the world for the crappy anniversary given to me. so he went home and i got ready to the cluster core group household meeting scheduled in the afternoon.
secondly, i thought it was such a bad thing to have a yfc meeting at the day of our 1st anniversary because it means kel and i would have to work instead of celebrate. again, i was proved wrong, because we had a lot of fun with our friends and kel and i finally patched things up. we went to mass afterwards and kel was inexplicably back to the jolly, mapang-asar hottie i know and love. hehe.
lastly, i imagined our anniversary dinner all planned out, somewhere formal, like in the movies, but what i got was even better. we dined at my home, blew out the candle of our birthday cake and slow-danced at my house's living room. a romantic movie scene in itself.
oh, if you could only see me blushing. :D
the angel rocked @ 2:34 AM
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great expectations
Sunday, September 4, 2005
during my now-defunct bum days, i usually catch an ad of this stand-up comedy show on jack tv. there, one comedienne was shown saying, that the key to life is... lowered expectations. i understood everything she meant by that, and could somehow relate to that too. but the catch was, i never found it funny. i wondered if anyone in her audience then found it funny.
i have always thought of myself as someone who has high standards, great expectations, and someone who doesn't get easily satisfied. on one side, that's favorable for me because it implies that i always thrive to give the best and get the best. on the other side however, it could mean that i'm often discontented, needs high maintenance, and/or very demanding. and i'm not proud of that. but could someone be accused of such when all she wants is a decent, romantic, memorable celebration of her and her loved one's 1st anniversary?
our 1st anniversary would be in less than one hour. and yet, i don't have any idea of his plans for tomorrow, which is seemingly... NOTHING. and that drives me crazy. it's like wasting an occasion that only happens once in a person's life, and which fortunately and ironically lands on a sunday. i'm so disappointed my thoughts are way too scattered right now.
i'm thinking of treating tomorrow as one of those lousy, normal days instead of a special one, so that i wouldn't be expecting much and not end up disappointed, heartbroken and angry. but that proves really hard to do. and i've had my heart broken one too many times, and it's killing me. oh i wish god would please help me.
the angel rocked @ 3:10 PM
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reality bites rocks
call me too late and everything, but i think i fell in love with Reality Bites the movie just this morning. thanks to Cinemax and to the corned beef and rice i did not want to eat for breakfast on my first day off, i finally got to watch the movie as peacefully and with intense concentration as possible. although i did not catch what i think was the first 30 minutes of the film, i savored the witty, romantic, unpretentious genius the movie is known for, until the end credits.
i could say that i could relate a bit to the characters, for i am also just readjusting to life after college (a.k.a. the real world) and also on the way to finding my independent 'identity'. but i can't say i live the adult drama everyday (for heaven's sake i still go home to batangas every single night). i think that maybe if i were staying at my friends' apartment in qc, wherein a lot of heat was generating, as i heard, i could absorb the drama some more. but that is not the case and it makes me think.
aside from the fact that i wear myself out commuting back and forth to batangas everyday, i'm feeling even more of the need for independence vibe, now that i've seen that movie. of course americans graduate from college at the age of 22, minimum, in comparison to the filipinos' ripe age of 20, but the age difference doesn't mean you don't have the qualifications to live on your own, especially if you have a decent job, right? don't get me wrong, i love being with my family, plus i missed the already prepared breakfast and my mom's wake up call alot when i was away in college, and which i am enjoying every morning now that i'm working and staying at home. but then again, i still worry that i'll get tagged as a spoiled, pampered, sheltered daughter who can't stand at her own two tired feet.
going back to the movie, what impressed me alot was the witty lines the characters, especially, troy and lelaina, threw at each other. plus it had the best friend falling for each other issue which up to now makes me wonder, why does that enchant me? also, ethan hawke (troy dyer) and winona rider (lelaina pierce) has this amazing chemistry which makes me feel sorry for whereever their careers have gone to at present. the movie was undoubtedly one of the best early 90's film i've ever watched. i loved it so bad i'm adding it to my list of favorites. the soundtrack was unremarkable too.
i thought the gilmore girls were the masters of the unrealistically long, funny and quick-wit everyday conversation lines but that was definitely before i got to know troy dyer, lelaina pierce, and vicky miner. especially troy. want some examples? i have saved these quips about two years ago, when i still haven't seen the movie but loved the quotes when i came across them on imdb.com:
Vickie: Laney, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
Lelaina: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.
Troy Dyer: [answering the phone] Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent.
Lelaina Pierce: I have to work around here, and unfortunately Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.
Vickie Miner: I'm late for a jean folding seminar. Let's locomote!
Troy Dyer: I'm bursting with fruit flavor.
Troy Dyer: I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.
Troy Dyer: [On answering machine] At the beep please leave your name, number and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma and we'll get back to you.
Vickie: Evian is naive spelled backward.
See? Can't get any better than this. :D
the angel rocked @ 5:07 AM
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ym training
Saturday, September 3, 2005
hey, wanna see how i look like working, rather, yahoo messenger-ing the whole day away while making it look like i'm working? check these out.:D
plus i have souvenirs from my mishap yesterday morning. warning: very graphic, not advisable to view while eating.. hehe.
that's a huge welt you know, it's depressing.
anyways, i keep wishing, we have PEx here, but oh well, tough luck. okay, i'll get back to work now. translation: go back to YM-chatting and go get some free choco latte. hehe. anyways, a part of me is starting to hate this idleness of state. but i'm going to enjoy it while lasts. :D
the angel rocked @ 1:12 AM
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starting anew, feeling great
Friday, September 2, 2005
i'm now starting a new phase in my life. the working, being-an-adult-for-real type which i think is not that bad so far. actually it's great. my company is impressive and, as i realized yesterday, the key to really enjoying anything is to have really great people around you.
so here i introduce the newest additions to the ERP Bench, the craziest, most fun people anyone can work with in the whole world (well, a little bit of exaggeration there, but it seems true).
(credits to maele, my officemate, who took and edited the photo above)
these people make any day seem good to me. even though i just literally crashed on the road this morning on my way to the office, adding new ugly and large wounds to my knees (and my ego), i can smile and laugh still. and that's a rarity for me. and even though our bench is openly neglected by the admin and that 15 of us are crammed inside only two cubicles with nothing productive to do, it's all good. and thank god for that.
the angel rocked @ 12:00 AM
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after 10 years...
Thursday, September 1, 2005
hey. i took a break from the net for almost a month, with the original reason of concentrating on studying for my board exam. but then again, life really has it's twists and turns. here i am now in gateway cubao, in one of the offices of my company. yep, that's right. i got in already. and now i'm bumming around, enjoying the company of new officemates and abusing the facilities. i'm not taking the board exams too due to lack in confidence and opportunities for a vacation leave, which is fine by me. there's always next year.
the angel rocked @ 6:20 AM
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