stuck in a moment

dorks.

2009-04-14T01:01:00.000+08:00

LOL. I made this this afternoon because I was bored and I wanted to test my PS-ing skills. And also because I was kinda nostalgic. I can't believe it will almost be a year since this picture was taken (May 14th 2008, Disney California Adventure, Anaheim, CA).

I miss messing around with my baby brothers.

And so that Earl won't be mad because I'm posting this pic of his that he finds hideous (what, EJ doesn't look any better LOL) I'm gonna put a disclaimer:

MY BROTHERS DO NOT ALWAYS LOOK AS RETARDED AS THIS. IN FACT, THEY'RE USUALLY VERY GOOD-LOOKING...

...

JUST LIKE THEIR ATE.

shooting star

2009-04-14T00:54:00.000+08:00

3 weeks ago...

Bri, Erick and I were on our way home, walking to Bri's car when Bri and I saw a shooting star. It wasn't the faint short line you often see in the sky when you describe a falling star - It was bright and it seemed to be blazing and it left a seemingly huge trail in the night sky. We were both in awe then and we kept wondering if it landed on Earth caused it seemed to be a huge one. Hinde nakita ni Lolo Erick. Kawawa. Oh, and I got to make a wish just in time.

2 weeks ago...

We went to greenbelt to watch MONSTERS vs. ALIENS (which sucked btw) and before the movie they showed the new Transformers movie trailer. This one:

I had an amazing epiphany then...

1 week ago...

IYA: Bri, Alam ko na kung ano yung shooting star na nakita natin last last week...

BRI: Ano?

IYA: DECEPTICONS. XD buahaha

BRI: EWAN KO SAYO.

why bangkok was the best...

2009-02-14T18:00:00.000+08:00

go conQbines. ;)

i'll definitely be back even if it's just to have fun with these gals. miss them already. wish yuting was in the picture too.

finding oneself

2009-01-19T15:42:00.000+08:00

"For what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early - to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit; stop whenever you want. You can change, or stay the same - there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. "

- Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

five things...

2009-01-04T18:01:00.000+08:00

grabbed this meme from yuting. couldn't resist.

Five things you will find if you open my purse bag.
1. iPod
2. Wallet
3. cellphone
4. keys
5. makeup pouch

Five things in my bedroom
1. dvds
2. books
3. bed
4. lots of shelves
5. clothes rack

Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life
1. tour Europe with my family
2. set up my own business and be my own boss
3. drive!
4. give birth to beautiful fraternal twins. hehe.
5. buy beautiful houses for myself and my parents

Five things that make me very happy
1. super long vacations!
2. finishing a good book
3. super fast downloads
4. catchy songs that i can listen to on the way to work at the start of the day
5. compliments :P

Five things I’m currently into
1. joongbo
2. kpop = suju = chokyuhyun
3. chocolate truffles
4. dean fujioka
5. anything WHITE. WHITE clothes, bags, shoes, watches, etc

Five things on my To-Do list
1. finish all the books and dvds i bought last year (and there are too many of them)
2. try to sleep early every night
3. organize ALL my stuff, including all the stuff in kyu, my laptop which is incredibly cluttered at the moment
4. shop and pack for our Coron and Thailand trip
5. write a 2008 recap!

Five things some people may or may not know about you
1. my birth was witnessed by many of my relatives and is on all saints' day
2. i've been wearing prescription glasses ever since I was in 4th grade, and i'm practically blind :D
3. i am extremely stubborn and extremely clumsy (more about this later)
4. i actually took up bs chemistry in college although i hated it.
5. i wear colorless contact lenses but often they ask me if i colored ones because my eyes are of a lighter shade of brown.

Five most important moments of 2008
1. buying my laptop in January
2. US trip with my family in May
3. getting hit by a wakeboard in June
4. promotion in September
5. being a foster parent for a day last December

Five things you enjoy doing during your free time
1. reading
2. shopping/malling
3. watching downloaded shows/clips
4. surfing the internet
5. sleeping

dexterrrrr... season two baby!

2008-12-24T17:50:00.000+08:00

kuya joe, do we look like him now?

this was long overdue... thanks kuya!!!

wish you were here to see watch it with us, we miss yah!

the girl who gets hit by a wakeboard...

2008-11-27T20:07:00.000+08:00

... doesn't get to go to thailand after months of anticipation. bow. so lucky, right?

oblivious

2008-10-15T20:17:00.001+08:00

what are the chances that when you're alone with the person you've been secretly liking for ages, you hear this beautiful song, which is hard to come by, and at the same time happens to be your song for him?

fotoloco pics from jessie's 18th birthday bash

2008-10-14T22:49:00.000+08:00

Link

single

2008-10-02T22:27:00.000+08:00

i don't know why i always, ALWAYS get asked why i don't have a new boyfriend yet. really. relatives, friends even acquaintances seem to be a part of a conspiracy to remind me over and over that i'm single and to make it seem like it's a really bad thing.

actually, being single isn't as bad as sometimes people think it is. i'm loving my freedom. i get to go wherever i want, do whatever i want to do. and i'm loving being doted on by my friends/team mates. although they make fun of me and think that whenever i go somewhere, i was off 'dating'. hilarious.

of course there will be times that you'll miss the special treatment that comes along with having a relationship. but then getting into one just for the sake of it doesn't really make sense doesn't it? that's like a path to self-destruction. LOL.

just for the record, (for heaven's sakes) i'm STILL young. as for being SINGLE, i won't be, not now, but someday. i'll get there.

iya the happy HQ-DL freak

2008-08-27T21:55:00.000+08:00

yup, that's me. hohoho. and for the tech jargon challenged, HQ DL means high quality downloads. in my case, it's video downloads. so now you know why i don't even watch on a real boobtube these days. hehe.

and this freak is happy because after weeks of weeping and worrying that my laptop kyu isn't that capable anymore of many, many wonders, and after almost giving up on it, i just found my clubbox revived! you don't know how happy i am now, i'm almost in tears, like heaven has opened it's gates for me. (lol okay, that's an exaggeration... ). i just wish it won't run for at 11kbps max like it's doing now. but then i'm so ecstatic i couldn't care less. yey! yey! my clubbox is alive!

the american fall tv season is drawing near and i've made a mental note to create more space for my fave tv shows that will be return this september. the wait seemed so long since most of the shows have been gone since january, i think? all because of the writers' strike. but that's the past now, and hopefully this season would be a blast.

i wasn't bored while waiting though, coz i've kept myself preoccupied with amazing asian shows just like the one where this is from:

and of course how can i forget about my boys?

ooh, life is good.

'coz i know a place where the sun is always shining...

2008-08-25T22:15:00.000+08:00

i heard this song while i was shopping earlier, and it kinda perked up my day. i was so proud of myself for remembering the title or rather, remembering that the ending phrase of the chorus was the title of the song - 'candy in the sun'. boo-yah.

not that my day needed some perking up. i was shopping for clothes so, that's a high point of the day for me too. as far as i remember, i haven't shopped for clothes since i came back from the US last may. except maybe for a hoodie and some summer clothes for a trip a week after i returned. so it felt really good to be doing something i haven't done in a while.

i've been reading books again for the few past days too, so that's another up, though the choices are not close to anything intellectual. LOL. it's just great to know i can still focus on something with 500+ pages. haha. eventually i hope to read all the books i've been buying for months but haven't had the time nor the drive to skim through. i'll get there...

hmm... what else do i have to say?

oh! something important has drawn my attention... i realized i've been writing emo-themed one liners as blog entries lately, and i apologize if people get alarmed because of that. my lovely friends might be thinking that something's wrong with me or maybe that i'm depressed or something. i just want to reassure you that i'm not. how can i be when i have so much to look forward to? :) but sorry for causing people to worry, although i can't promise i won't be blurting out one-liners in the future still. haha. i appreciate the concern and genuine interest in my life. hehe. but it's a good thing that i'm writing again, right? ;)

rendezvous

2008-08-24T09:23:00.000+08:00

why do i have this nagging feeling that i scared him off somehow?

news

2008-08-15T18:49:00.000+08:00

today i received some news. it felt like i achieved something but then response was like 'so what? nothing special...'

cleaning up and waking

2008-08-12T22:54:00.000+08:00

so what happened to my one post a week promise to multiply? same thing that happened to everything else on the web that was under my name: swept under the rug and almost forgotten.

i just cleaned my yahoo mailbox, something that i haven't paid attention to in nearly five months and man, there's a lot of junk in there (literally and figuratively), thanks to friendster, facebook, and astrology specials. consequently i paid a visit to my friendster and facebook pages, to adjust the notification settings because my unopened mails, important or not, totalled to more than a thousand. after i finished with my email, i felt like i just cleaned our entire pad. it was that tiring.

i realized i haven't updated my accounts on those social networking sites either. something has to be done.

so what am i trying to say with this post exactly? hmm, nothing. i just felt like posting this late at night and wanted to feel what it was like to be in the loop once again.

my hero's day

2008-07-15T10:16:00.000+08:00

Just the perfect words for our perfect father.

Happy Birthday Dad. We Love You.

Thank you for everything.

it's no fun being on this side of the boat

2008-06-27T19:17:00.000+08:00

after a few days of blossoming bliss, i'm back to where i started. i was sooo right to see it coming.

nagoya. detroit. farmington. frankenmuth.

2008-05-07T08:23:00.000+08:00

back after eight years. and because i'm too lazy to upload the pictures, i'm redirecting you to my mom and brother's sites. LOL.

manila-nagoya-detroit..

farmington, frankenmuth, the first 4 days

the stories will come soon. :) will be leaving farmington on friday, we'll be in oklahoma next. i'm gonna miss being here.

in fandom someone always gets left behind...

2008-04-19T01:44:00.000+08:00

Noooooooooo....

i.want.a.cinnamoroll.phone.charm.now.

2008-04-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

^^ i want a 3D pearlescent bobble-head one because someone i ~~like~~ know has one. oh yes i'm that pathetic. LOL. seriously, i can't wait to get to japan (although it's not a destination for us, just a stop-over) so i can scour the boring airport's stores for my cinnamoroll phone strap. i figured i just have to have one for my new baby. *winkwink*

anyways, nowadays, i have this annoying habit of puffing my cheeks, wherever, whenever. it's embarassing because i don't look cute at all whilst doing it but i still catch myself doing it unconsciously. i blame sungmin. i really have to find a way to get rid of that habit. or i could practice puffing them in a way that it'll look cute. LOL.

you might be thinking, is the one actually writing this senseless yet happy crap Iya? what happened to her 'i'll-die-if-i'm-not-emo' blogging self? haha. this week actually has been a good combination of excitement and peace and quiet for me. so there. is that good enough explanation for you?

so 'til next time, signed, iyathehighschoolgirl.

minus one

2008-04-07T20:13:00.000+08:00

to the ying to my yang

to the spongebob to my patrick

to the kindest, bestest guy friend i've ever had

although it pains me that's you've left

you know i wish you all the best

because you deserve nothing less

escape

2008-03-15T20:31:00.000+08:00

right now, my head is throbbing like hell due to events i'd rather not disclose. i'm just glad it's over. almost. so why am i posting nonetheless? because i've already broken my promise to post once a week and also mostly because... i need to escape.

nowadays, my laptop kyu and the internet are my bestfriends. they get my mind off things (like work, family and everything else) while teaching me a lot at the same time. so basically the tandem is my fire exit, my hiding place, my escape.

anyways, that gif above, if you may ask, is one of my creations. i just learned how to do gifs last week and i got too happy because of that new skill that i made gifs all day. i even made ones out of the video i made for our team last christmas.

see?

these days too, my world seem to get smaller and smaller. people i know meet my other friends in the most unexpected places, it's silly. it happened alot when i was in college, but i didn't know the chances were as high when you're working already. maybe my views are silly. why am i making such a big fuss out of it anyways?

it's summer already. i can feel it. i wish i'll get the chance to have a nice walk on a beautiful beach sometime soon. work has been incredibly crazy. whenever i come to the office, i feel like running back out of the building. why is there so much to do? it doesn't help that my family's going on a vacation in about a month and time drips in so slowly thanks to my anticipating it. i need a break. wish i can have it now.

i think i've been spazzing pretty senseless with this post so i'll stop. blame it on listening and watching stuff i rarely understand for months now. it might have affected my brain so i'm incoherent. anyways, my head hasn't stopped throbbing yet, if you might ask. ja ne...

zip

2008-03-03T15:58:00.000+08:00

i've put this blog to sleep for a very long time it seems like forever. heck, not just the blog, but my multiply in general, except for bits and pieces here and there. i decided to go on hiatus not because i had nothing to share but because not everybody deserves to know. lol. believe me, one of 'my boys' deemed my life these days to be so eventful, he christened it 'MAKULAY', thank you very much. plus, it would be tiring to whine towards a keyboard.

on the other hand, the truth is, i missed being a pajama writer and being able to broadcast everything that happens to me, and yak like noone is watching. to those who still do not know, i LOVE to write. i think i'm fairly good at it. what i'm actually bad at is the 'talking' thing.

you see, sometimes i let out more than i'm meant to, and sometimes i let out much less when i'm actually supposed to say more. i have no control over it. zilch. nada. that's why i'm striving to gain control of my mouth nowadays. it's hard work. lol. but i'm definitely doing it for self-preservation.

another rule i'm imposing to myself these days is to not be too nice or too open to anybody except my family. maybe cynical and evil, but i've been betrayed one too many times even by people i've considered to be my friends, whom i trusted but have taken advantage of my weaknesses, and who even allowed people to abuse my niceness. yup. no more nice iya.

anyhow, this will be a comeback blog entry and i'm going to promise to update at least once a week, because some people are wondering what i've been up to. the past few months have been one heck of a rollercoaster ride. i hope the next few months will be much of a smoother ride.

before i go, lemme introduce you to my 2 month old baby, my pride and joy, the one who keeps me occupied these days:

EVERYONE, this is Kyu, KYU, this is everyone. He's nice and white isn't he?

love

2008-02-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

i've been on blogging hiatus lately, but witnessing something like this:

shoves me right out of my shell...

brighter

2008-01-27T08:36:00.000+08:00

Artist: Paramore
Album: All We Know Is Falling
Year: 2005
Title: Brighter

So this is how it goes
Well I, I would have never known
And if it ends today
I'll still say that you shine brighter than anyone

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's your's and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

Well this is not your fault
But if I'm without you
Then I will feel so small
And if you have to go
Always know that you shine brighter than anyone does.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's your's and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

If you run away now,
Will you come back around?
And if you ran away,
I'd still wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright.

Now I think we're taking this too far
Don't you know that it's not this hard?
Well it's not this hard
But if you take what's your's and I take mine
Must we go there?
Please not this time. No, not this time.

I'll wave goodbye
Watching you shine bright
(You shine bright, you shine bright)
I'll wave goodbye tonight

i live to watch tv

2007-11-25T16:28:00.000+08:00

just for documentation purposes, i'm listing all the tv series i've watched, bought, downloaded during the past four months; those i'm currently watching and downloading and lastly those i want to watch, planning on to buy and waiting for to air. i am such a tv trooper am i? the irony is i've never watched any of it on an actual boobtube.

watching: heroes (s2), chuck (s1), house (s3), entourage (s3 pt.1), pushing daisies (s1), gossip girl (s1), samantha who? (s1), supernatural (s1-2), csi (s7), greek (s1), smallville (s7).

watched: why why love, devil beside you, hana yori dango, hana yori dango returns, hanazakari no kimitachi e, death note, entourage (s1-2).

pending: dexter (s1-2), nobuta wo produce.

want to watch / waiting for: they kiss again, hana yori dango final, bull fighting (subbed), nodame cantabile.

owns: smallville (s1-6), heroes (s1), house (s2), supernatural (s1-2), csi (s7), entourage (s1-3 pt.1), it started with a kiss, princess hours, my girl and meteor garden (s1-2).

if you're looking for something delectably peculiar...

2007-10-23T23:41:00.000+08:00

brilliant. you'll-miss-half-of-your-life-if-you-don't-watch-it brilliant.

of hate and suffering

2007-10-20T20:13:00.000+08:00

lately, i haven't been doing well. though i'm actually proud of myself for doing a rather great job hiding it. but i feel i might explode anytime. and for someone who's turning a year older in a few weeks, i would say i'm in bad shape. i'm enraged, depressed and i've been feeling hateful and betrayed every single day for the past two weeks. but you don't have to mind me.

i am fully aware that there are more people suffering more than i am. and taking into account the bombing in glorietta 2 yesterday, my pain is not the least comparable to the pains of the people affected by this tragedy. and though i am every inch grateful that none of those i love were involved, i symphatize with those who have to suffer. those who are in grief all because of hate. the kind of hate that i too don't want to feel as nothing good results from it.

nathan petrelli: director

2007-10-09T20:56:00.000+08:00

i found these clips while getting my weekly heroes fix. apparently, these are all from heroes' adrian pasdar's youtube account. i don't know if this is his real account but i'm pretty sure the clips are all his. he sure does nice work with cameras and there's alot to learn from these clips; a) that the heroes cast sure have alot of fun offset; b) kristen bell, milo ventimiglia and greg grunberg are three crazy heroes; and c) kristen bell and zachary quinto a.k.a. sylar has smokin' hot chemistry.

have a look. i'm posting my favorites. but i suggest you go to the site and watch all the vids.

Format: 'Title' [video descriptions lifted from the youtube site]

'Masi Oka Times Square' [MASI offers to take a picture for an oblivious bystander. ] {iya's note: hilarious!}

'World Tour Eiffel Tower' [Milo and his Eiffel twin]

'Forbidden Fruit' [Sendhil wrapped up in the age old dilemma of the Craft Service Conundrum.]

'Wipeout' [Pre-Emmy dinner at The Chateau Marmont Bar. Kristen Bell gives Grunny a drum lesson.]

'Primatech' [Speaks for itself]

'Pitstop' [Wasn't sure what day it was. Called Milo. He always knows.]

'ZQKB' [Dancing with the stars! Of Heroes! ]

just when you thought you know me well enough

2007-09-27T21:18:00.000+08:00

Author's note: I'm doing this because my friends Chase and Cheekie tagged me to do so. Okay, Chase tagged me to do 8 as opposed to Cheekie's 5, and I chose the higher number so I can dish out more random facts about myself. Oh yeah, same old narcissistic moi. At least I didn't do 13.

In the 8 facts about you, you share 8 things that your readers don’t know about you.
Then at the end you tag 8 other bloggers to keep the fun going.
– Each blogger must post these rules first.
– Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
– Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their 8 things and post these rules.
– At the end of your blog, you need to choose 8 people to get tagged and list their names.
– Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. My memory is just terrible. I usually tend to forget simple details even if I just learned them. This is kind of ironic since I loved school subjects that require memorization as opposed to those that required calculations.

2. Sometimes, I can be such a fangirl to the point of obsession and humiliation. DVDs, downloads, forums, the works.

4. I am extremely clumsy. So much so that my mom and dad associates tripping, spilling things or bumping on things as something their daughter would most likely be doing on any given day. I've had some literally bad falls if you may ask. My dad can recognize me from afar when he sees me trip on something. Haha.

5. I’m a bit of a late bloomer beach bum. I fell in love with the beach just last summer. Beach sunsets and star gazing while lying on the sand became such an escape for me and I couldn’t get enough of it since. Plus, my trip to Boracay a few weeks ago took my fondness for the beach to a whole new level since that was place was so beautiful.

6. You're reading a blog entry by a girl who never wakes up to her own alarm clock. Oftentimes, everyone gets woken up by the loudness of my alarm clock but moi. One of my friends said that they can ring a church bell right to my ear and still I would not budge. But I would wake up easily if my name is called. When I was in college, I even recorded my mom shouting ‘Iyaaa gising na’ and made it my alarm tone. It was effective, but not for long.

7. Call me inutil. I am so not a domestic goddess. I don’t know how to cook. Or iron clothes. Or do the laundry. Or wrap gifts. I 'attempted' to cook Adobo when I was in high school and that was it. I’ve always wished to have my mom’s skills and passion for cooking but I never had the drive to learn.

8. Most of the time I feel like someone watching my own life from afar. I watch myself slave away and have fun at the same time at work, act like a high school girl with a high school crush, go home to the province every weekend and waste away over the computer. I watch the days as they fly by me. You can say I am that detached. Maybe I need to feel more, or on the other hand, maybe I need to feel less.

one proud ate

2007-08-26T20:02:00.000+08:00

V
V

V
V

V
Vate =

oh the drama!

2007-08-22T02:04:00.000+08:00

just finished watching the rest of the episodes of why why love. the vcd is out already in singapore and malaysia though the drama hasn't finished airing in taiwan yet and as expected, somebody has uploaded the remaining episodes on the net already -and yours truly couldn't stop herself from watching ahead.

so i finished it all in three days, yes, that long for three 2-hour episodes, thanks to the very slow connection and the virtual traffic in veoh (especially since there were thousands of others loading it the same time as i was). but i can say it was worth all the wait.

at first i was growing furious due to the slow loading and the fact that the fun series i was tuning in to for the past eight weeks was turning into something really depressing. at one point i literally wanted to scream because i couldn't contain my irritation and at the same time, extreme sadness. i cried one too many times during those last three episodes, darn that drama. now i know they didn't call it a drama for nothing.

i don't usually get to like a series when it's sad. actually i prefer light-hearted romanctic comedies over the heavy dramas. but i'm glad the ending didn't ruin the whole series for me. the ending may not be perfect for some, but it was for me.

now all i have to do is wait for the subtitles. oh brother. now i'm sad it's actually over.

the longest week

2007-08-18T20:31:00.000+08:00

last january, i thought i had the longest work day when i worked for about 30 hours straight. this week, however, was probably the longest week in my 22 years of existence. i have never felt so tired my entire life.

i have always wanted to attend the intermediate english skills training that our company offered. i missed my slot last year and i dearly love the subject since i was in grade school so i requested to the project training coordinator to have me enrolled in the course this month. it was a three-day course (8:30-5:30 pm), and i was on the 4 pm-12mn shift this week, so i thought it was okay. i thought that if i still needed to get some work done, then maybe i can give a few hours for it after the training. little did i know that along with the storms that pestered the country this past week, comes the flood of a ridiculously large number of tickets to our team. talk about wrong timing.

because there is so much to do, i ended up working full hours (even overtime) after training hours, while taking extra care that i get to class on time the next day because of the attendance rules. if you're over 30 mins late, you can't finish the course and you have to again have yourself enrolled to another class in order to continue. fortunately though, our instructors were very understanding; one of them even said that it's okay if i doze off on her, although i really couldn't do that since she's always making us laugh. i also found two new uber-dependable friends, lem and marijo, who would always watch over me while i sleep in the pantry during breaks. haha!

while friday was the last day of training, and supposedly saturday is a day for rest, i really did not get to rest as much as we got stranded in the office after the friday night/saturday 'morning' work and believe it or not, i still had to wake up (i really tried to get some zzz's in the office since i was drained) at 5am because i'm one of the secondary sponsors' in my college friend's wedding which was to be held at the oh-so-glorious-that's-really-really-early-for-a-wedding time of eight-thirty.

i'm still alive though. even though this was the most tiring week ever, i can still say that i still have a lot of 'highs' this week. hmmm. i'll list them down for the lack of a better way to deliver them:

the first one is the good news i received last monday but it's something i can't tell you yet. ;)
second is that i really enjoyed the training and the company of the people i had it with. it was also the first time someone i have interacted with, face-to-face has called me another name (i've been called ari, aria and loads others through email but that was by our almost-strangers european counterparts). after hours of getting-to-know-you chats, lem, my partner in the first exercise called me abigail, because that was what he thought my name was. i was like. huh? haha. afterwards the whole class started calling me abigail too, but that was for laughs. you can call me abigail now. haha.
i graduated from the training with flying colors! (advance english skills training, here i come! - on second thought, let me check my sked first. :P)
my teammates continued being their fun-loving and caring selves despite the heavy workload we all have. i noticed that most of us, even those on day shift tend to stay in the office til the wee hours in the morning mostly due to work. most of us will go home together and sometimes we still get to eat somewhere that's opened 24/7 and still horse around.
i got to attend my friend's wedding with my mom and brother. i was the only one with two extra passes to the reception because my college friends are really close to my parents. i'm very much thankful to my friend for acknowledging that.
i got to see my college friends again and we spent the entire time cam-whoring while acting as coordinators, assistants and dolls for the wedding. i really missed their company. it's really sad as we all have different lives now and we don't get to hang out as much.
i got to wear pink for the wedding and got all-glammed up. it's nice dressing up every once in a while.
a certain someone was unusually kind to me this week, so that's a high too.
and lastly, when i hit my lowest point this week, there were people who encouraged me and made sure i will not hit rock-bottom. i'm glad that although i almost fell to pieces, i was able to pick myself up in time, with those people helping me up, and afterwards get to turn the whole situation around, achieving so much.

so now, i'm finally home and blogging. it's a holiday on monday so i'm going to use up all the these 'stolen' time for rest and do the things i love to do that i don't get to do much these days (i.e. watch movies, read - i realized there are many titles that i have bought or downloaded that haven't watched or read yet so i'm going to pin that down). basically, i'll enjoy myself. i deserve it. i know i deserve it.

this may be the longest week in my life so far, but i've learned a lot from it, especially in terms of how far i can go, or how far i can stretch myself and what to and what not to do the next time. so i'm still thankful.

the one who can't let go

2007-07-29T05:37:00.000+08:00

since i was young i find it quite hard to throw away things that i have the slightest emotional attachment to, even if they were as good as garbage. be it clothes i grew out of, sheets of paper i doodled in from grade school and all the way to my college years, and even candy wrappers. they're all still in my room. they're all there, somewhere. and til now i can't bear to throw them away.

when i woke up this morning, weird enough, this was the first thing that came to my mind. blame it on the fact that as my dad pulled me away from deep sleep, i was calculating that i have consumed the maximum available space in my iPod and was thinking how sad it will be to erase my smallville season six collection and maybe my simpsons shorts collection, in exchange for devil beside you and why why love episodes. yes, all of this while i was asleep. profound, huh?

before i got up i still thought that decision over, although i have every video backed up in our family pc and my laptop: can i not erase them? maybe there is another way. and then it hit me: i have a problem letting go of things. makes you think how much harder it is for me to let go of my attachment to people. furthermore, to let go of whatever i feel for those i learned to love.

exceptionally quintessential

2007-07-07T21:16:00.000+08:00

if there is one thing that i've learned in my 22 years of existence it's this: that almost everybody wants to be different, special. that it's almost like a crime to be in anyway mediocre, ordinary, average or normal. but what's so bad in not being extraordinary anyways?

you may be wondering why i am discussing this now. if you are, then let me indulge you. i have been attempting to write about anything in the last couple of months but ironically, as much as i have a lot to say, i could not put them into words. i have done a lot of interesting things, felt the whole range emotions one can feel but nothing seem to come to mind everytime i try to post here. i always end up with a blank slate.

it is only when i got into my bus ride home saturday morning that out of the blue i came up with something i want to write about. something i have to write about. one of the reasons i love commuting home on early mornings is the fact that i feel completely on my own, and that get to think of anything i want. i get to reflect, talk to God, and sometimes, daydream. it is the most time to myself i can get, even with a lot of strangers around.

so there i was, enjoying the peace and the music i cannot travel without when i realized, that i even though may not live the life most people dream of, here i am, seemingly content and strangely happy. i am not entirely sure why, but i am. maybe because for the first time in a long time, i felt like i am truly honest to myself and that i am not pretending to be someone i'm not: someone out of the ordinary.

in this world we are burdened to shine, to excel and try the hardest in order be noticed, appreciated or in worst cases, to just be fit to survive. but when you look at it, sometimes, it's not so bad to be plain.

take yours truly for example, i realized that while i dreamed of being a performer; to sing, dance and play instruments on stage, i believe that i have come to terms with the fact that i never mastered any instrument, and though others might say i have a good voice, that voice don't seem to come through whenever i want it to, and that i still don't look like a gifted dancer though i have been dancing eversince i was 4. it's all good.and it's actually nice to be writing all of these out.

though i am saying mediocrity isn't a crime, i'm not implying we needn't work hard to reach a dream. but sometimes we tend to stretch ourselves too far that we forget who we really are. this consequently breeds disappointment, frustration, discontentment and then ultimately, grief. acceptance is the key.

p.s. the title of this post was the former title of my old blog, the one i started in college, before i renamed it 'stuck in a moment'. the phrase is synonymous to 'extraordinarily normal'. such a coincidence i am writing about it again a few years later.

because i can't express it better in ways other than this...

2007-04-15T06:28:00.000+08:00

You Wanted More by Tonic

Love Is Tragic
Love Is Bold
You Will ALways
Do What You Are Told

Love Is Hard
Love Is Strong
You Will Never Say That You Were Wrong
I Don't Know When I Got Bitter
But Love Is Surely Better When It's Gone

'Cause You Wanted More
More Than I could Give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live
You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
For a love that isn't there

Love is color
Love is loud
Love is never saying you're too proud
Love is trusting
Love is honest
Love is not a hand to hold you down
I don't know when I got bitter
But love is surely better when it's gone

I got to pick me up when I am down
I got to get my feet back on the ground
I got to pick me up when I am down

You wanted more
More than I could bear
More than I could offer
The harder you would shove
You Wanted More
More Than I could Give
More than I could handle
In a life that I can't live

the art (or science) of falling

2007-02-25T03:23:00.000+08:00

I just finished reading the February 2007 issue of Reader's Digest and interestingly, one of the cover features (of course, given that February is the 'Love' month) is titled --- How To Fall In Love: 12 Scientifically Proven Tactics to Find Your Perfect Partner.

Essentially, the article discusses the findings of multiple researches on interpersonal attraction: like seeks like, the effect of body language, the disproving of the cliche 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', and nine others you may want to take a note of.

It's funny in a way because the article defines the art of falling in love through science, through the results of extensive studies and tests. And those results are some things most people, me included, may not be aware of, but might be experiencing most of our lives. Some were as trivial as how having the same name as a person with an unpleasant reputation in history or your date having bad mood lessen your chances in finding true love.

But the part that had me drawn the most was the discussion on physical attraction: on how people tend to see people with dilated pupils as more attractive, how the term 'beer-goggles' actually made sense, or how inner beauty would not suffice as I quote: 'good-looking people are almost universally viewed as smarter, sexier and more successful than their homelier counterparts'. Harsh? Totally. But that's reality, baby. Such a superficial, superficial world.

In truth, sometimes one can't really choose who to fall in love with. With the scientific basis or without. I guess we're just 'programmed' that way. Like we're programmed to find someone with a major histocompatibility complex opposite to our own. Whether we like it or not.

Sometimes it's love at first sight. On other occasions, it's when you're constantly with someone that he/she eventually grows on you. There are even instances when someone you don't ever notice or even hate before suddenly stands out and you wake up the next day seeing that person in a very different light. And then that's it. You're stuck. That's where the dilemma comes in. When you have no choice but to feel that way about a person... and you fell in love alone.

I, myself am not an expert on the subject of L.O.V.E. Even with six years (cumulative) or more of 'experience' I don't think I or anyone will ever be qualified to be an expert. You're looking at a kid who still fumbles and does stupid things for people she cares about. Someone who gives sound advice to others but can't follow them herself. Yep, that's me.

Yeah, I know what you're thinking. With a lot of other people writing about more perceptive, stimulating topics; politics, art, music - here I am again blogging about love... and bitterness. Haha! Bloody sentimental me. I guess I REALLY can't write for a living. But at least I think I got your attention.

Excess:
I have attached the article to this entry in my multiply account (you may have notice I have more pictures there too) so you can read it too if you want. After reading my RD copy, it came to me that I have received this article about two weeks ago, from a friend through email but I didn't get to read it. Or I might have read it but I don't remember reading it. That's how mentally draining my lifestyle is right now. I therefore conclude that I need a detox session. Haha!

burnout

2007-01-20T18:30:00.000+08:00

http://www.tristancafe.com/music/flash/burnout.html

weeks before my first relationship ended, the person who was with me then asked me to download this song for him. at the time i had no idea what it was about and due to our prehistoric internet connection, and all the chaos that came afterwards, i finished downloading the song only months after. when we were already over.

when i heard it for the first time, i cried. because the minute i realized what the message of the song was, i knew it was his song for me. for us. it was a beautiful song. the lyrics and melody were pure genius. and it was bittersweet.

through the years the song had become one of my favorites, a playlist staple, and whenever i am somewhere where sugarfree is playing, i'd always wish that they'd play burnout.

now, two years into my second relationship, the song is once again seeping into my consciousness, hitting a nerve any chance i get to hear it. i think i'll never understand how some people could write such a song - one that puts words into my mouth, tears into my eyes, and expresses what my heart is desperately wanting to say.

they say when two people are meant to be, fate will always find a way to bring them back together. no matter what has been said and done, if it's meant to be, it's meant to be. some people might find it a bit shallow to believe in destiny, but i guess more prefer to hold on to something that may help them cope with the pain of being part of something that won't seem to last.

i guess you got the gist of what i'm trying to say. to be honest, i do not know what state i'm in right now. all i can do is work til i'm too tired to think; surround myself with as many friends for as long as possible in a day (a big thanks to my dear friends icar, pauljohn and nico, to my startgroup and to the rest of my AM family); talk to my mother who has done everything from giving me sound advice, to sending me funny instant messages everyday just to make me laugh; and lastly, pray that whatever comes out of this another episode in my life, may i never forget how thankful i am that i was and am loved. and hopefully, next time, nothing will ever get burnt out again. ever.

christmas rants

2006-12-25T11:37:00.000+08:00

hello there. only 4 hours to go til christmas. i've spent almost the whole day in front of this pc updating my multiply account and looking for some inspiration. instead i found dozens of misspelled names and words in the captions (i.e. show instead of shoe, ej instead of dj, etc.) and ended up correcting them.

i'm finding it harder and harder to write nowadays as my mind is always clouded, i am always busy, and my thoughts and feelings change as fast as one can say mistletoe.

but i decided i had to write something anyways. especially now that it's christmas time.

let me start this off with a game. here are some of the songs in my iPod playlist this week, which i never get tired of. if you research the lyrics of the following songs then maybe you'll get what's been running through my head this week. you ready? here goes:

1. for you to notice - dashboard confessional
2. behind those eyes - panky trinidad
3. breathe - michelle branch
4. vindicated - dashboard confessional
5. unwritten - natasha bedingfield
6. blind - lifehouse
7. everybody's changing - keane
8. akap - imago
9. all i want for christmas is you - my chemical romance
10. underneath - hanson

got it? one thing that the playlist will tell you is that i think i'm back to the emotional state i was in a year ago.

also, i'm missing a lot of routines and persons these days.

first of which is my startgroup and my barkada within that startgroup. i've been looking at some of our pictures taken only a few months ago. it's obvious i've grown apart from them. i just didn't see that the pace was that fast. i'm wondering what they're saying about me now. sometimes i want to tell them that i'm still here. that i did not replace them. i just felt left out. i was left out. and i was glad to find some new people i can be comfortable with. people who became great friends. but i still deathly miss the ones i was with for more than a year.

another person i'm missing is someone i'll hide by the name jayson wesley. yah you. what happened? i'm just curious. we used to talk round the clock. i still see you everyday online but you never seem to see me back. i just saw a recent picture of you and i smiled seeing you all buffed, i think. that's good. but i hope to hear from you soon.

on a lighter note, i feel lucky to have the people in my life right now. i always feel so blessed. i have a family who always makes me feel important, friends who make me laugh and a God who never fails to make me feel loved wherever i go.

so that's it for now. have a merry christmas everyone! i hope everyone gets whatever good things their hearts desire for christmas. :)

x's:
hopefully i'll start the new year with a new blog layout. whatchatink? :)

good byes are not forever

2006-12-10T12:04:00.000+08:00

these days, when i feel like i don't have something worthwhile to say, i don't waste time trying to put them into words. it's funny that nowadays it seems that don't get much inspiration to write.

what's funnier (the irony of it all) is that most of the time the thoughts that get me write are the sad ones; heartbreak, disappointment and now, good byes.

last saturday night i was feeling so scared of going to the meeting the next day. i felt so uneasy i didn't want to to go at all. but because i had to i did. but that was after stalling for about an hour. i was so scared and sad but hopeful that the news wasn't true. i remember praying for an affirmation of my wish everytime you spoke to us.

but of course it was true. you were both leaving. although i know that you always say nothing is final, i could already feel the air of separation lingering. and although my eyes always fail me, i told myself that i am not going to cry.

nevertheless i want to thank you both. i remember myself thinking, who would have thought that my parents' friends who gave me such a nice gift for my 18th birthday, and whom i'm not familiar with at that time, will be such a big part of my life later on.

thank you for being like a second set of parents to me. but i'm even more thankful, that i have such great friends in you both. i would have given up a long time ago if not for you. i wouldn't be the person i am now if you didn't come to touch my life. thank you for all the advice, the laughter, the memories. although you might have felt like we've lost touch these past few months, i want to tell you that i will always be around though i may sometimes be crushed by heavy workload.

i won't cry anymore. but i won't be afraid to say good bye. i still am your little angel and will always be.

i love you TJG and TCG. :)

hey my birthday's coming up. [nagpaparinig]

2006-10-14T17:57:00.000+08:00

so this is going to be a weekly update?

yep am at home again. downloading until the wee hours of the morning. i could tell my dad's already mad. haayz. addict. i've been listening to more music lately since i have the power now to dl most of the songs i'm interested in. my mom also got me a new set of earphones for my w800i. yipee!!! (love you mom! :*) i really missed bonding with my w800i and without all the background noise.

anyway, this week's been a bit weird for me, nothing i couldn't handle but only barely. new clothes, new earphones, new found buddies, new cubicle number, new loveteams. nuff said. wish i could elaborate. really. i had one major problem pinned down this week, though. halleluia!

my head's a bit jammed at the moment. but there's alot i want to say...

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight

i could go as far as telling you that i'm listening to something a person told me to listen to. and i'm getting hooked. to what i'm not really sure. got to get the cloud off my head first i guess. maybe tomorrow. clue? even i don't have a clue.

p.s. happy friday the 13th / birthday nico! miss you dude. :)

"these tears are going nowhere baby" - bono, u2

2006-10-07T18:03:00.000+08:00

gaah! are these cobwebs i see hanging in my precious blog??? been that long huh?

god knows how i miss blogging and talking indirectly to you people (TJG specail mention!!! hehe). blocked na kasi to sa office. and i can't get pass it this time. anyways, i'm baaaack. so what would you like to know about me now? :P

obviously alot have happened. good. bad. great. worst. weird. overwhelming. crazy. spine-tingling. funny. romantic. exhausting. tear-jerking. all those stuff. believe me, a lot can happen in less than a month.

nowadays i've been hooked to the covers from the show rockstar supernova (i love magni), the music of switchfoot, the fray and panic at the disco. right now i'm abusing our newer, much faster connection here at home. finally my parents felt the pain being on dial-up (ok maybe i did some convincing). it's about time!!!

also my project's drawing near to a close so everyone's been madly busy, irritable even. i've spent a night in the office again last week after so many months. which is not a good thing, might i add. but i'm thankful i don't need to work full weekends so far.

i'm glad to be hanging with a lot of new people too, which is great. i'm missing my old work friends too, though. so near yet so far, nuff said.

bagyong milenyo paid luzon a visit last week. bad milenyo. i even reported for work that day witnessing milenyo's rage: roofs flying like paper all around our building, billboards crashing, big trees falling. it's like watching The Day After Tomorrow, only in real life, from the 6th floor of our office building. i swear i could feel our 18-storey building swaying.

i thank the Lord, that my loved ones are all safe. and i hope you join me in praying for all the people who have been affected by the storm milenyo and now neneng, and of the other tragedies that are happening all over this earth. Lord, please let them see you in these times of pain and strife.

x's:
i learned that u2's bono wrote the song stuck in a moment for inxs' late singer michael hutchence. apparently they were such good friends that he wrote two songs for hutchence who died a not-so mysterious death in 1997. stuck in a moment is one of my favorites because i found the lyrics and melody very ingenius. makes me wonder how a song for me would sound like if ever someone would even write one for me. :)

x's 2:
please see my multiply account for new pics. especially those of yakel's 2nd anniv at the zoo. hehe. too childish or corny? maybe. but that was one of the happiest days of my entire existence. hehe. thank you mahal ko! :)

us then, us now...

2006-08-31T04:48:00.000+08:00

"time flies when you're having fun..."

firsts

2006-08-29T08:24:00.000+08:00

To my dearest Ele, DJ, Erjo, Leo, Mitch, Carlo, Ramon, Kuya Chriz, Ced, Mack, Dabid, Arne, Ritz and Nono:

Tomorrow will be a very special day for me. Officially, it will be my first anniversary as an employed, money-earning wild child. Surely, a lot has happened in just a year. I had no idea working would be like this. Never thought it would be as fun. But that's because of you guys, I think.

Over the months never did I expect feeling an assortment of emotions towards the people I started work with: irritation, happiness, frustration, relief, guilt - name it. And yes of course, there is love. (ahahaha...)

And though sometimes my fondness for you people may fade due to annoyance (mostly... hehehe), preoccupation and distance, it is a part of me which I cannot change or moreover, erase completely, and you can bet on that. :)

To some of us, this might not matter much, and this might come as a little mushy, but I don't care. I just want to thank you for being a part of my life. Also, thank you for bearing with the way I am sometimes.

Officially, I've known you people for a year now. And I'm thankful that though I've never planned on working in Accenture or for any of these to happen, I got to spend the year with people like you. People who I at first thought I'll never get along with. People who never get tired of taking pictures of themselves. People who like to spam mail boxes with crazy comments. People whom I have shared lots of laughs with. And best of all, people who are my friends - friends who make all the things that drive me crazy, all worthwhile.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY PEOPLE! 1 YEAR NA LANG. FREEDOM! Hehe.

Takercosiker,
- Aira/Iya/Airaks/Eye-rocks/Iykes(oo na)/Mami(oo na rin!)

P.S.
Kung panget ang grammar at masyadong madrama yaan nyo na. Hehe. Congrats peeps. :)

fours... oh i love that number.

2006-08-27T17:21:00.000+08:00

Four Jobs I've Had In My Life
1. my mom's video store assistant
2. software engineer
3. freelance writer
4. QA chemist

Four Films I Can Watch Over And Over
1. High School Musical
2. Reality Bites
3. The Twin's Effect
4. The Lake House

Four Places I Have Lived
1. Tanauan City
2. Diliman, Quezon City
3. Mandaluyong
4. ...and that's it

Four TV Programs I Love To Watch (nowadays that is)
1. Rock Star Supernova
2. CSI (LV, Miami and NY)
3. House MD
4. My Girl!!!

Four Places I Would Have Visited, Had I Had The Money
1. France
2. Vatican City
3. Pearl farm or Amanpulo
4. Farmington Hills, Michigan

Four Websites I Visit Daily
1. Google
2. Blogger!
3. Youtube
4. -Secret- hehe

Four Of My Favorite Foods
1. MeatLovers Pizza (of the triple stuffed crust or cheesy volcano variety) from Pizza hut
2. World Chicken's chicken
3. chocolates
4. Kraft Mac (or Shells) and Cheese

Four Places I Would Rather Be
1. at home with my family
2. at home with kel
3. at home with my dvds and laptop
4. home! hehe.

Four Bloggers I Am Tagging (in no particular order)
1. Ele
2. Ote
3. Icar
4. Baby Kat

strange musings

2006-07-23T12:46:00.000+08:00

today i'm feeling a contradiction of emotions. mainly this is because the last couple of days i've been thinking too much about a lot of things and a lot of people. i guess life's just like that. you kinda take in one day at a time. today will always be different from tomorrow. this week will always feel different from the other week. so i guess i'm not emotionally unstable. hehe.

so today i'm kind feeling a mixture of longing, sadness, relief, satisfaction and boredom all at the same time. weird. plus they're misdirected to different people and recent events i'd rather not disclose.

last night i almost had a jared padalecki overdose as i watched the house of wax (yes, the paris hilton flick) and a supernatural episode one after the other. they're both supposed to be scary and i'm proud of myself that i got to watch them by myself and finished it entirely. okay, okay. so i changed the channel every once and a while, and i covered my eyes when i think i can't take the gore and morbidity. believe me, i had more disgusting encounters at the apartment and here at our dirty kitchen yesterday. i don't even want to think about them again.

i'm so proud of my cluster as we won over-all champion in the yfc east b sector sports and cultural fest again. that's two years in a row na. we're truly blessed. the greatest thing about it is that we only competed in three categories in the cultural fest and all of them won 1st place. so proud of my kids i am. so proud. so thankful to our coordinators to the father above too. :)

so i guess i'm parking my typing here now. ej and i need to get ready for another week of school and work respectively. we're at home right now. but i guess not after 4 hours. ta-ta!

x's: happy birthday z and ate jojo! i know you deserve everything you have right now. a wish you both more blessings. kelan libre? hehe.
zjaye, bon voyage! thanks for everything.

confessions of a runaway lover

2006-07-13T04:44:00.000+08:00

the other night i was reading my old journal. my 'black book' as i called it, since it had black pages where i had to use metallic gel pens so i can read whatever i write there. it was my third journal, i think, in my whole lifetime as i remembered keeping a 'diary' when i was in grade school, then highschool and then finally this one in my freshman year in college. obviously this was all before i discovered blogging.

as i was reading the entries i was laughing to myself because i realized a lot of things;

realization #1, that for a sixteen-year-old who got into UP, my grammar still sucked big time. even then i was already writing my entries in english. thinking about my statement mishaps now actually gives me the goosebumps.

realization #2, that i have terrible penmanship. this can be excusable though, due to the fact that i write mostly while lying down or on my belly, and at times i fall asleep while writing. the latter is true. i remember reading incoherent phrases with mathematical equations squeezed in. as it turned out, i have a math quiz the day after and i was probably dreaming about it. hehe.

and lastly, realization #3, that i sometimes my mind works exactly the same now that i'm 21 years old, compared to when i was 16. creepy, but true. especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

i'm one of those people you'll call a runner. i remembered reading alot about past loves and how confused i get everyday. how frequently i change my mind about people, especially those who care about me. i'm not commitment-phobic, i just tend to get confused, scared and then i run whenever someone gets too close; hurting that someone in the process. take these examples:

exhibit A: WHEN I WAS SIXTEEN.
i just rediscovered that i codenamed him 'the friend' in my black book. and that was because it was what seems he was to me. until things got confusing, that is. it was all documented in the black book, the sweetness, the wars, the running. i'm lucky i have him as my bestfriend now. that everything was behind us. it was through him that i discovered that platonic love feels alot better than romantic love. at least that's what i think.

exhibit B. WHEN I WAS NINETEEN.
wehehe. this one's funny. because the guy i ran away from, i actually end up with. yep, that's right. it was mykel. i remember when my first relationship ended, oftentimes my friend arden would tell me not to stop considering someone as a potential partner the moment i notice even a little inch of something that seems wrong about that person. i guess that's what happened to me and kel. or maybe i was not ready for another relationship at that time. again luckily he waited for me. sometimes it makes me think of how long a guy can actually wait.

exhibit C. NOW THAT I'M TWENTY-ONE.
i think you'll get to see that one in here, in the 'black blog'. check the archives. clue: january. anyways, i don't know still where that one's going. but lately things here have been flowing smoothly and i'm happy with my decision. sometimes you just have to choose and stick with it. or else you'll never be happy.

i didn't learn of the term 'running away' until i watched this certain dawson's creek episode (which i think was the last one of the series) where a dying jen was talking to a confused joey about not running away from her problems. her problems being guys who want to love her and both she loves as well. i was pondering on all of these while i was chatting with my ate caryl sometime ago when something she said struck me.

'dearie, collect and collect and then run.'

ahaha. isn't life ironic?

closing cycles

2006-07-12T11:01:00.000+08:00

"Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important."

today i received an article by paulo coelho named closing cycles (thanks david). suddenly everything seemed to fall into place for me; i finally found out what it is i should do with something that has been bothering me for weeks now, and consequently i accomplished a lot today. it feels great. i've been searching for peace of mind for a long time and reading that article enlightened me.

i realized that sometimes the only way to find peace is to let go. you may leave some things, in many cases 'someones', behind but all i can do is be grateful that i have found those people and things and that they have been part of my life. because i need my life back. i need myself back.

to my friends, my ates, kuyas and titas, you know who you are, i hope you've read the article above. god knows how thankful i am that i have you in my life. i'm not leaving. i'm simply moving on. i'm still here. thank you for making me feel that i am part of something wonderful. i'm sure going to miss the things we've been doing. it has been a part of me for so long.

to jaaayce, i know you're probably going to read this (yeah you, hehe). thank you. for being my shock absorber, my confidante and for being someone who makes me smile every single day. thanks. i know there'll be more happy days for the both of us. :)

life updates

2006-06-30T16:06:00.000+08:00

been a long while don't you think? thanks to everyone who said they have been missing my entries. i missed writing here too.

a lot has happened but basically, i'm still the same. i gained a lot of friends in the past few months. i've gotten to do a lot of things i have never done before too. and it's weird in a way. i wish i could share them all.

in the meantime. please check out my multiply account for recent pictures and some storytelling. => http://nckiparke.multiply.com/

i'll try to catch up and get everything updated tonight. i hope i can cook something up for this blog too.

i'm at home tonight. (fyi: i moved to an apartment last may 1 pa) i got 2 vaccine shots this afternoon because i got bitten by some unidentified creature three nights ago. we're suspecting it's a rat so my dad brought me to alabang for a consultation and hopefully an answer. luckily rats do not carry rabies (as the expert and google told me) so i'm still going to bug all of you. hehe.

what else? hmmm. i'm gonna save it na lang for later. i guarantee i won't be leaving this blog dormant that long again. i promise. :) see yah!

wishing i had a heart of stone

2006-04-17T13:47:00.000+08:00

Invincible by Christian Bautista

I don't have nerves of steel
I have a heart that feels
I may have cried a million tears but i won't drown
I let myself unfold
Gave you my hand to hold
You took me beyond where i could see
And then you let go of me

I was damaged by the fall
Got the wind knocked out of me
To be standing here at all
I must be invincible

I don't have x-ray eyes
Don't have a heart so wise
How could i have known you'd let me down
If i have known that then
If my eyes were wide open
I still believe i would've risked it
There's no way i would've missed it

if you want to listen to the song click here. it's sad, yet beautiful.

*love surrounds me, and sometimes it makes it hard for me to breathe. the song above makes me think of something i've loved this past few weeks, which in the end goes to disappoint me. over and over. i'm wishing again that i shouldn't have let my self drown.

the davao aftermath

2006-04-17T09:46:00.000+08:00

i came, i saw, i ate durian... uhh don't want to remember that part anymore. hehe.

i'm back from davao. actually last sunday pa. :) funny now i realize it was a week ago na and i haven't posted about it yet.

it was a lot of fun since it was my first time to visit a philippine island outside luzon. i have been to the states five years ago but i've been dying to tour the rest of the phils. mostly this was because of what one of my history classmates in college told me four years ago, almost accusingly: 'nakarating ka na sa ibang bansa pero yung visayas at mindanao hinde mo pa napupuntahan.'

it was a refreshing experience being out of luzon (away from home, from work, and all my routines and duties). davao is not entirely different but it does give me a foreign feel. imagine that for an 'urban' place the roads were so wide though they are not really main streets (almost 4-laned), that surroundings were clean, the people were so friendly; during my whole stay i never got declined for a ride to wherever i wanted be it tricycle, jeep or taxi... except on some intances where the drivers find the places a tad bit too far. which they are, actually. ahaha.

it was great spending the trip with 100+ other batangueno yfcs and coordinators. the checking in and flights were crazy and riotous. it was also nice to see a large number people wearing our bright yellow-green batangas ganda/pogi shirts scattered on the International Leaders' Conference venue grounds.

as reported there were 7000+ participants in this year's ILC, most of them coming from the first time host island in 8 years, mindanao, some coming from as far as nothern luzon. this is smaller than 10-15K participants in the past years but for a place as far as davao, this is big enough for me... plus, imagine this number dancing in the rain. yep. it RAINED. as the ILC veterans attested, it was the first time it rained on an ILC (kaya nga summer ginaganap para walang ulan) and to see the participants and organizers doing the 'rain dance' for two nights (yep, the two nights of the conference), despite impending colds and having to sit on wet grass and clothes later, was an awesome sight. to quote kuya jq during the first session after the rain, 'walang fireworks for the first time (dahil banned sa davao), pero may water works!'. the experience was truly inspiring.

kel and i had our share of banters while in davao. hehe. actually pinagtulungan ata nila ko ni TJG. hmmp. (hello TJG! *wave*). i remember us getting on a fight because we can't find each other on the gaisano shopping mall. it turns out there were 3 gaisano malls on the city and we're on 2 different ones. if that's not crazy, i don't know what else to call it.

i have pictures pero partial palang yun ng captured moments. i uploaded them on my multiply account: *click here!*. i decided i needed to use multiply because it has better photo album functionalities than friendster. (i realized that i haven't been taking good care of my friendster account too.) click on the pictures there to know more of the story behind the my davao espcapade.

it's ironic that i'm kinda missing the smell of durian. it seems that you can smell it all over davao e. i'm also craving for durian candies (not the real fruit please), suha, kinilaw, and tada! shopping. i miss my yfc friends na, too. oh well, there's always BOHOL next year. yipee...

death of a pudgy

2006-04-06T02:28:00.000+08:00

i've been gone for weeks, not because i was busy, but because i fell in love. no, not with a guy.

i fell in love... with a boy, a girl and their love story.

i can't even begin to fathom how i fell in love with them...

... it must be because i've always fallen for serendipitous encounters. theirs wasn't just a mushy movie scene, it was as REAL as it gets --- a guy and a girl trapped inside a house where every move you make, and every word you say is recorded for 57 days; the guy falling for the girl at first sight; the girl caught off guard as her long-time crush was unintentionally placed in the house with her, with nowhere to hide --- they made me believe in fate-slash-destiny again.

... it must be because they seem so MFEO (meant for each other), maybe because they look so good together. or maybe it was the you-and-me-against the world thing, the bakit-ngayon-ka-lang, right-love-at-the-wrong-time angle to their drama. must be because i am intrigued on how much love you can see in their eyes and how much effort they put in just to not let it show. they fell for each other but they can't do anything about it. because she's got someone waiting
for her outside.

if i had only written this entry earlier you would have witnessed how happy i was each day. with my mood changing only according to their actions. my happiness dependent on their conversations, sweet nothings and playful interactions of which transcripts, videos even, my fellow stalkers provide as nourishment. you would be surprised to know how i was risking it all just to get my daily dose of them and when i mean dose - i mean almost 20 hours of it. how i almost lost my social life, my love life. walang tulog. walang gana kumain. puro pc. they sustain my day. even while traveling, they invade my thoughts. makes me think even more how i am such a HOPELESS romantic. and take note of the emphasis on the word HOPELESS.

last saturday, their 57 days of seclusion ended and it was time for them to go back to the real world. VERY BAD IDEA. it was like my world (together with thousands of other avid fans' worlds) crashed as reality sunk in. after all the hours we spent not sleeping to watch their story, after all the money we wasted to keep them together inside the house until the end (yes, this was my first time to vote and act to affect change, no matter how pathetic the cause is) and after all the emotions i have painstakingly invested on them, i was struck by one awfully sad realization: they can never be together. despite all the unspoken promises. despite the quiet agreements their stares gave each other. they can never be. no matter how i want them to have a happy ending. because society wouldn't allow it.

my mom said i've always gone for the love pairs on the losing end. peachy and jm of tgis, shan cai and lei of meteor garden, michelle and seph of scq reload. (kanya-kanyang trip yan walang pakialaman. baduy na kung baduy.) but all of those couples were works of fiction. this time around, the love story was REAL. so real and it makes me think it's so damn sucks to be them. falling in love so hard under the scrutiny of all types of viewers. and then doing all sorts of
damage control to save face when the 'dream sequence' ended. it's hard to be on both of their shoes. the girl confused and judged, the guy struggling to makes sense of it all and got left behind.

it's stupid but i'm hurting for people who don't even know me. now i feel like crying whenever i hear sad love songs. like i'm the one who lost my love life. if i'd only known that it will all come to this i wouldn't have let myself drown in this madness. but that's a little too late now.

the only thing i'm sure of is that what they had was something that can't easily be forgotten. it was my mom who said that she saw something different in the way the two look at each other. you can see it in the eyes. if it's true love only time will tell. because now seems really not the right time.

i wish them happiness. and if each other is really what their hearts clamor for, i hope they would go for it. because the chance for happiness may only come once. as the saying goes:
" If you take the leap... You'd be taught how to fly"
take it from me, i've been there one to many times. maybe it's part of the bianjoe charm that got me hooked. their story mirrored some chunks of my love life. i don't regret anything that happened with regards to my past relationships. i stand by my decisions and though sometimes it would hurt, i know i've done the right thing because i did it for happiness --- mine and eventually, theirs.

P.S.
this would be way out of the topic, but i'm going to Davao tomorrow with kel and TJG for the ILC. i'll be gone for a few days and that's good. that means i'll get some time to detach myself from all this craziness. hopefully when i come back there will be great news.

did you miss me?

2006-03-10T17:36:00.000+08:00

so far these are the things that have been keeping me busy for the past week that i cannot access blogger at work (obviously i'm at home now):

1. facilitator duties for the project team meeting
2. the surprises we had in store for our friend (lolo arvin) and development lead who are resigning (so far preparing them has been fun)
3. the editor-in-chief stuff i have to do for the yfc batangas newsletter - yes, this is the new role God has given me and i'm feeling honored to have earned it.
4. psyching my self up for the startgroup's party this friday
5. catching up with my maternal grandmother from the u.s. who is visiting us for a week
6. finding a gift for kel's sister who is having her debut party this saturday

oh, and another thing:
7. eating, eating, eating

i had a lot of pictures taken (as usual) these past few days, but my laptop forbids me to do any uploading so no pictures for now (boo stupid spyware!). i didn't stop writing stuff down though, as i need it as a form of training for the newsletter. i hope i can be better at writing as i grow older.

it's final! i'm going to davao! yipee! i'll spill all the details to you later. for now, start imagining the smell of durian, though that would be nasty, okay let's imagine other things davao is famous for aside from the durian. hehe. i'm too excited. you can't tell can you? :)

anyways, i'm parking my figurative pen here in order to make way for some sleep. it's already 2:04am here and i still have to report to work later like a good regular shift employee. me and my stuboorn zest for writing. hehe yeah right. mornings!

the last fifteen days... in pictures

2006-03-03T03:11:00.000+08:00

balik sa pinanggalingan: thursday, feb15, up fair, 8pm-2am

eastwood babies: saturday, feb 17, wubush team building, 8pm-6am!

my baby's 16 already: thursday, feb23, ej's birthday

brick by brick: saturday, feb 25, 1mb, gk build, villa san jose, lipa city

through the months: wednesday, mar1, startgroup 6th monthsary/ dj & carlo's blowout

ayoko na magMRT!

2006-02-16T08:15:00.000+08:00

now i know why most of my officemates loathe riding the MRT to and from work. especially since they all get on and off it during rush hours. imagine me being squeezed to bits by, unfortunately, four men ( i don't even know if they were all the same ones all the way from quezon avenue to boni station!). wah! imagine this one guy had his armpit nearly against my face! it was so hot and cramped i thanked the Lord i did not bother to fix my hair nor put on makeup before i left QC. i undoubtedly would prefer an hour and a half comfortable bus ride as main mode of transpo to the office than the MRT after that incident.

no, i have not found a place to live yet. i don't technically live in QC but i treasured it as my second home back in my UP years. and because this week is UP fair/chemsoc execom's cup week, i have been spending a lot of time going back to my alma mater and catching up with my college friends. yesterday i just realized that our lives after our B.S.'s are all much more kulurpul, much like the spectrum produced by a white light shining through a prism. chaotic, so it seems, but kulurpul and ironically funny. i also realized that i kinda missed my chem roots. the pavilion, the chemsoc tambayan, the labs. i couldn't help but reminisce. i have officially finished college almost a year ago.

i had fun watching my baby joicee at the mr. and ms. chemsoc competition last night. talagang costume kung costume! :) anyways here are some pics, coz i'm kinda feeling lazy to narrate. the least i could tell you is that my anak and her prince won. :)

i had a great valentines day. kel and i went to church in lipa and then ate a very late dinner. earl, my brother joined us after his date, so he can hitch a ride home. everything was perfect. yakel parin. :)

p.s. i'd like to thank may thoughtful opismeyts dj, small carlo and erjo for the valentine presents/treats (hehe puro pagkain!)... and syempre my loving dad for the flowers. love you dad! ;)

we won! we won! we won!

2006-02-14T00:16:00.000+08:00

last saturday was a blast. the ube jam was a huge success and to make it even more of a blessing for us, our cluster won 2nd place beating 20 other teams! i never thought we would be that blessed (lakas namin kay Lord! ahihihi) since our presentation was not much compared to the other groups with more impressive costumes and props and coz we didn't practice that much. but still, i was ecstatic when i saw our cluster perform, they were great! haha. i could not get over that performance that my family, kel and i watched the video over and over. i think i watched it over 30 times, no kidding.

how i wish i could show you the video. for the meantime take a look at this:

they're my kel, kenneth, jake and rufino a.k.a. the wonders - east b cluster 3-style! haha. ang galing nila sobra. i was happy because the dancers too, were so full of energy. sulit ang naubos kong makeup! hehehe.

i guess there will really be times when you want to give up, and take the easier road, get out of the one with all the challenges. but then God will always be there, and you will feel His love calling you back wherever you are, no matter how unattached you may seem. TJG! i know you're reading this, the Lord seems to tell us something ano po? the message, so it seems, that together, cluster 3 makes magic! everytime you (TJG & TCG) do that thing you do!!! :) hehe. di pa po ko magsisingles! nagbibiro lang po ako nun. :)

i guess i'll be having a great valentines day after all. and i think it's not because something changed, but because i changed. :)

valen-times, conch-erts and choc-oh-leyts

2006-02-11T06:22:00.000+08:00

hearts day is nearing and yet i still don't have any idea how i would go through with it. given OUR present situation, i'm still trying very, very hard to understand what is or what is not going to happen. it's just like any other normal day right? hmmm. sometimes a part of me wants to believe in what my friend ele was trying to say: that sometimes single people have even more fun on valentines day. sigh.

awww. ubos na hershey's nuggets. as you can tell i've been drowning my frustrations with chocolates. especially the coconut and macadamia variety. yum. yum. but they're gone already! huhu. please tell me if you find some of these whereever except hawaii and some place else farther. :)

oh. i forgot to post this 2 weeks earlier. after months of looking for the right 6th paperback installment (which turns out, they haven't even published til january 2006) my collection of the mediator series is finally complete! and i'm ecstatic coz the series was worth finishing. so cute, i recommend it to the teeny bopper at heart. i love young adult stuff and i'm proud of it. makes me feel like i never left my teenage years behind. hahaha.

i'm actually excited for the yfc ube jam (ultimate bonding experience with jesus and music!) this saturday. lately i've been stressed about it but as the event nears, i'm getting more excited than tense. especially since our cluster will be performing to the tune of that thing you do, i'll get to see my 'kids' geared up '60s style. and guess what, kel will be impersonating (complete with lip-synching) jimmy aka jonathon schaech, the lead vocalist of the wonders. they even have the matching red suits and all. this one's not going to get pass my camcorder. haha! :)

i guess this is my last legal post while in the office. they're decommissioning our old proxy address and replacing it with a boring, blogger-yada-yada-free, one. i have to quote icar on this one: we're robots in the making. noooooooooo!!! :P

so high school

2006-02-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

i thought i left highschool about 5 years ago. but it seems i was dead wrong. it's funny to think that along with my introduction to the corporate life, i was reintroduced to the dramas of highschool. sick but true. i never liked highschool then (yes, i made a few great friends there, but i exclude them from the highschool packaging. they are way better than that), i'm not going to like it now. especially because people my age, even older, are not supposed to act like school children.

i could list a hundred reasons why i like my college life better than my highschool life but mainly, i cherish it because people are not narrow-minded, prejudiced and well, drama queens and kings. i don't know if it was just in my university and my schoolmates, but that's really the case. i like it better when people mind their own business and accept you for who you are. i also like it when they don't make their own truths and don't go slithering behind one's back without knowing the whole (complete. unedited. factual. truly true. unbiased. without a morsel of your own imagination) story.

please people, prove me wrong. ang tatanda na natin. prove to me that i didn't plunge myself into a pool of disgusting goo by agreeing to work here. normally i'd stay quiet as i'm not into confrontations but when a person's (especially a friend's) reputation is on the line, that's one entirely different story. i have two beautiful words for those concerned: grow up.

change. need to change.

2006-02-08T00:47:00.000+08:00

lately i've noticed that i seemed to have gained a few pounds... again (that's basing only on how i look). i figured that's because i tend to eat more when i'm sad or stressed. i need to cut down the junk food and suppress my hunger a little. no more lunchtime shopping. that'll lessen my expenses too. boo 12% RVAT!

i've been too lazy this past few days. too lazy to even post an entry considering that most of my workload has been lifted. too lazy that i've been consistently tardy last week. too lazy to even change my clothes and sleep at my lola's bed... yes i doze off wherever i get to lie down, the sofa, my bedroom, my brothers' bedroom; much to my mom and dad's dismay.

i've been too hot-headed too lately. i've been blaming it on pms, worried that it might not be, and worse, that it already became an attitude problem. my psyche's becoming more and more negative each day and that has to stop. i have to watch whatever i say or think before it's too late.

despite this the Lord launched a new plan for me. it's confusing because i really can't tell if i can go through with this new 'job'. especially not this time. not when i barely have the time and the inspiration. but then i accepted it, not because i don't have a choice but because i think he's calling me to him again. with an offer like that, who can resist? my friends, please pray for me that i may be worthy of this new task.:)

p.s.
i'm on the road to healing and i realized i haven't been singing and dreaming as much, i just 'think'. that's why last weekend i decided i would daydream more just like the kid i was before. it's time to put my imagination to work.

another p.s.
michadiks! buhay na buhay tayo ngayon. hehe. i'm glad there are things coming our way that are truly worthy of our attention. keeps me happy too. :) love yah all. ;)

best thing i've seen this day

2006-01-28T15:23:00.000+08:00

funny how my mood can change that quickly. i was browsing my friendster and emails (finally i have access) at home, when i came across a picture. they're of two of my little brothers and sisters in chemsoc. somehow when i came across this shot of theirs i flipped. could it be? hehe. although just to be clear: i'm not nosing around and i'm not implying anything. :D

anyways, it's the best thing i've seen this day. one of the things that made me really smile actually. the other was the crazy kid in the dark, no, not the same as the one is alabang (malamang, i haven't been to alabang today). he looked like he was 5-7 years of age and as i trod the dark road to our home, (i always walk at the center of the road, feeling superior and much safer, hey, gabi, na, la nang vehicles)
this boy in a sideward-worn cap (also at the center) began dishing out dance moves like i wasn't there. it was so funny. even after we have passed each other he was still dancing, arms and legs out-stretched and all. :)

i'm okay now, thanks and sorry to the people who got concerned with my previous entry. this too shall pass. i'm sure of it. meanwhile, i'm gonna catch up with my friendster friends some more.

yay! finally i can get to rest!

letting go

2006-01-28T03:18:00.000+08:00

hatinggabi, habang nasa office parin ako, nagoovertime (names withheld, pero obvious; saka edited for more wholesome viewing):

voldemort: minsan you get too USED to the fact na andyan sya parati... pero pag nawala sya reality will
strike and iiyak ka na lang sa isang sulok
nickes: tama
hunnie: @#$ voldemort!
hunnie: yan kaya yung naramdaman ko!!!
voldemort: reality bites talaga...
hunnie: #^#@!
nickes: oo nga amp voldemort!
nickes: ako din!
hunnie: nde ko lam pero bigla nalang ako naiiyak
hunnie: as in
voldemort: at ano namang darma mo nickes?

ano nga ba ang drama? last night i was so overworked and heartbroken i felt i had to spill. what happened? i have lost my bestfriend here. i lost you.

i don't know if i'll be able to get used to not having you around. though it has only been a short while, i felt like i've known you forever (as cliched as that may sound). you have always been there with me, most of the time goofing around, nagchichismisan. you've always taken care of me, making me feel safe. last night was my first time alone here, i couldn't stand it.

i'm sorry for everything i've caused you. i never meant for everything to be this way. maybe it's true that some good things never really last. i was wrong to have thought what we have will stay as is.

i wish i could keep you. i wish things did not get as complicated. i know it's unfair, i know it's my fault too. i kept you close. too close that everything went awry.

there are no words to express how much i'm grateful for our friendship. much i as i don't want to let go of our routines, we have to. that would make our lives boring, i know. but somehow i figured that way, it'll all be better. better for you at least.

i'll miss you. there, i said it. :(

firsts, seconds and lasts

2006-01-25T11:09:00.000+08:00

firsts.
last friday was my first time to go clubbing. my office friends and i celebrated leo's birthday and we initially didn't have a battle plan (only to go to a KTV but that was too expensive for us pawns). we ended up eating dinner late, but luckily chancing upon a huge videoke booth in an arcade in eastwood. we were crazy.
*
last night was my first time too, to go to a scuba diving class. it turned out to be boring, not because the speakers and people there are uninteresting but because i've already read some of the facts beforehand. plus thinking of the expenses before you can actually get to dive is unnerving. i'm not giving up though. first scuba-diving, then sky-diving!
*
what i was afraid of for the longest time happened yesterday. much as i was trying to deny it would happen, it did. it was the first time i was considered a cause for the destruction of something that has been there before i came in the picture. i knew i had it coming.

seconds.
yesterday was also the second time i was told by a person that he didn't want to ruin my already perfect life (first time was in my junior year in college). although it sounds appealing that i have a seemingly 'perfect' life, under the circumstances (in both cases that is) i most definitely don't think i do. why are they existing in my life anyways?

syatong buhay 'to oo.

lasts.
i heard the song 'can't cry hard enough' when i was in the bus this morning. that's the only time i realized it had a line that says: 'I'm gonna live my life, like every day's the last'. at first i thought the song was for a lost love, you know, the relationship type, but then when i read the full lyrics i discovered it's more for the departed loved ones. a tribute song. sad, but true. there are things people can't say to a person when the other is still living. it usually takes a long time to gather up the courage, but then sometimes it turns out to be too late.
*
there are times when i wish that i could live each day as if it is my last... you know, carpe diem! last day at work, last chat with family and friends, last piece of chocolate to eat, giving and living my best. but then again, all this woes never fail to come my way and i can't think of living at all. i thank the Lord that he never lets me give up.
*
isn't it tiring to hear a person saying 'last yosi na', 'last cuss word na', 'last promise broken na' but then they could have said those words over a million times because they still keep on doing it? sometimes it's better to not say anything at all than to utter a million 'lasts' in a lifetime.

lighter
it was a crappy day yesterday, but it was as if the Lord sent me angels to console me: for example, after the scuba class in makati, i had to commute alone to alabang (not my usual route) and walk in a dark alley to get to the bus terminal (i was praying so hard because i am already not used to walking alone as i usually have tatay with me). unfortunately the contact lens in my right eye was fogging up that i have to cover it with one hand so my left eye can focus better.

that's when i heard a boy's voice calling loud, twice: 'ate, ate bakit ka umiiyak?'
at first i was appalled as the boy, who's face i cannot see through the blackness of the night, appeared KSP to me. i called back 'hinde ako umiiyak', a bit irritated but then the kid said; 'mahal naman kita e'.

there i was, one-eyed and scurrying in the dark, a smile forming on my lips. hehe. that was funny. was that you God? ;)

yesterday i was wreck, today too, (due to issues of the heart and deadlines) but i'm feeling better now because i have friends i can talk to and a great family to come home to. i'm still fortunate.

p.s. i'm glad this post is lighter than the others. ciao.

lokohan na to

2006-01-24T12:27:00.000+08:00

from the start i knew that this isn't something that would last. pero matigas ang ulo ko e. i've let myself fall into some hole i couldn't get myself out of. and that sucks. naglolokohan lang tayo. and we both know it. i wish you would just stop. because if that happens, i will too. i just know i would.

lately i have been a crackhead poster because i have so much in my head i couldn't put them into words. it seems that is the case whenever i get confused. i become stupid. and that's all because of you. stupid you.

many times i've been trying to come up with a decent blog entry but i can't. i'm tempted even now to just post song lyrics that fit my state of consciousness. so here's one:

SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN

I can't be losing sleep
over this, no I can't
and now I cannot stop pacing
give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
if my mind would just stop racing
cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening
this is over my head
but underneath my feet
cause by tomorrow morning
I'll have this thing beat
and everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy
cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
don't be surprised if I collapse
down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this
cause I cannot stand still
I can't be this unsturdy
this cannot be happening, yeah
cause I'm waiting for tonight
and then waiting for tomorrow
and I'm somewhere in between
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream
what is real and just a dream

Pasted from <http://www.lifehousefans.com/lyrics/nonamelyrics.html>

a series of confusing events

2006-01-14T11:33:00.000+08:00

i haven't been in the mood to write anything lately. that's mainly because there have been a lot of things happening and a lot more running through my head, i can't contain it. all the more, i can't express it. it's not like i can tell you about it either. let's just say getting to work everyday seems alot different. not ultimately bad nor good. just plain weird and at times, it's scaring me.

to lighten things up i'm posting here one of those surveys people always answer on friendster. tha catch is, my answers here will be what my answers were a year and half ago. curious? check it out:

98 questions
survey answered: 09-14-2004

1. name: Aira Guia Mascarinas Platon
2. nicknames: iya, iyah, ai (ke loida lang to), ya, iyayo, a (as in letter a), i (as in e)
3. location: Room 3C, 57 Lt. J. Francisco St. Krus na Ligas, Diliman, Quezon City
4. sex: female
5. marital status: single
6. birthday: november 1, 1984
7. piercing: the usual. pero dati 3. hmmph nagclose na.
8. tattoos: henna lang once a year
9. height: 5’2
10. hair color: bLaCk
11. length: super layered, pero hanggang likod yung longest part
12. eye color: light brown
13. pets: fishes back at home. the only ones who survived the family hehe

[LasT]
14. movie you rented: borrowed is the operative term, csi episodes :)
15. movie you bought: almost famous
16. song you listened to: mad season by matchbox twenty
17. song you had stuck in your head: burn
18. person you've called: texted lang, si mama
19. person that called you: kel
20. movie you've watched: the notebook
21. person you were thinking of: kel
22. person you hugged: kel
23. person you kissed: kel
24. person you went to eat out with: joy and loida
25. person you slowed dance with: kel
26. person you yelled at: sina maam castri, donz, bick at pau kasi natapunan ako ng cobalt chloride!
27. person who made you laugh: loida
28. person who made you smile: mama
29. person who said they love you: mama
30. person to talk to: catheleen
31. feeling: inaantok na, tapos miss ko na kel ko
32. thing in the world:
33. thing that happened to you today: contract signing with the caterer and lots more.:)

[PpL]
34. closest: loida, kel, mark
35. tallest: earvin
36. shortest: sarah!
37. meanest:arden hehe
38. nicest: shela
39. prettiest: cheek
40. sexiest: rhay
41. loudest: guia
42. smartest: bryan
43. craziest: joy
44. most violent: ako pa rin
45. best singer: pow, nissa, ate tin
46. best dresser: rhay
47. makes you laugh the most: joy
48. makes you smile the most: kel
49. has a crush on you: nde ko lam e
50. gives you a funny feeling?: secret!
51. turns you on: aba aba aba

[ Do]
52. you have a bf: yep :)
53. you wish you could live somewhere else: sometimes
54. you think about suicide: nde na ngayon because god is always with me
55. you believe in online dating: not so sure.
56. you want more piercings: yep, yun katulad ng dati
57. you want more tattoos: no permanent ones please
58. you drink: occasionally lang po
59. you do drugs: no and will never will
60. you like cleaning: when i feel like it, which is rare
61. you write in cursive or print: priNt
62. you carry a donor card: nope

[ FoR oR AgAiNsT]
63. long distance relationships: i don't really know, it works for others, siguro nga love conquers all
64. using someone: against as much as possible
65. suicide: against
66. killing people: against
67. teenage smoking: against
68. doing drugs: against
69. premarital sex: against
70. gay/lesbian relationships: neutral

[FaVeRiT]
71. song: rainbow, where is the love
72. thing to do: tinker with my computer, write stories, surf the net for my faves, text
73. thing to talk about: celebs
74. sports: volleyball
75. drinks: iced tea, fruit juices, frappes, coke
76. perfume+scent: rampage
77. holiday: all saints' day, hehe bday ko toh e
78. ever cried over a girl/ boy: oo naman
79. ever lied to someone: guilty
80. ever been in a fight: warfreak ako dati e, ngayon medyo na lang :D
81. first crush: adonis, grade 3 hehe
82. first love: god
83. most recent crush: sef

[wUt]
84. shampoo do you use: pantene
85. are you scared of: failure, a bad future
86. do you look for in a gf/bf?: basta, someone who'll make me feel complete
87. do you think is cool?: people who have great faith in god

[NuMBaH]
88. of times I have had my heart broken: lost count, pero nde lahat becoz of love
89. of hearts I have broken: dunno
90. of girls I have kissed: 2 pero mama at ate ko yun hehe
91. of guyz I have kissed: teka, san?
92. of drugs taken illegally: 0
93. of people I would classify as true, could trust with my life type friends:7
94. of continents I have lived in: 1
95. of people I consider my enemies: wala naman thank god
96. of people annoys me: cguro 2
97. of cd's that I own: around 55 ata
98. of things in my past that I regret: wala po, just those moments when i could have given my best but didn't

funny how i look back to those days and see a very different me. i just don't know which is better.

ending, i just want to share this quote i found years ago. it just seemed appropriate for me to post it because it kinda fits my mood and the things i'm feeling right now. i'm feeling a bit secretive and mysterious so i'll let you figure it all out on your own. hope you enjoy it too.

'Fall' is the operative term. Not 'walk', 'leap', or 'glide', but 'fall'. It denotes plummeting from a height, landing with a thud, incurring welts and bruises. That's why it's called 'falling in love:' you could wind up maimed... or dead. - Jessica Zafra, "Chicken Pox for the Soul

crystal

2006-01-05T09:36:00.000+08:00

suddenly, everything seems so clear.
that this is not going to last.
that this is so wrong.
that i am hopeless and stupid
for thinking that this is no big of deal.
but my heart tells me otherwise.
probably because i feel like im shredded to bits
and my heart can no longer bear to understand
the complexities of my pathetic existence.
it's all the same.
i always get left behind.

*author's note: this has nothing to do with my life with kel. i'll explain later.

midnight wabash and the broken hearts club

2005-12-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

tonight marks my first overnight stay here in the office. yes, people here do that. and not to have a slumber party but to work. this is not the first time though that i came close to spending the night here. let's just say there have been almost 10 instances, given my two-week assignment to this new project. and for the record, i still commute to batangas every single night, worn out and dead tired. i'm fortunate though because i have someone from our batch who suffers with me and who is kind enough to wait for me to catch a bus first and keep me safe, given that we've both finished our workload, which for tonight is a still a big NOT. i'm not complaining. not too much that is.

my only problem is that much as the spirit is willing, the body (which for some odd reason is still not leaning towards the slim side) is getting weak. this morning i had to come in late because i don't feel really well. also, my lovelife (also my work buddy's) is suffering a bit due to distance and less and less quality time. i wonder why someone would ever think of the phrase 'absence makes the heart grow fonder', not that i'm falling out of love that is. i think i'm just hating not being with him all the time. i don't like missing him too much because that actually hurts.

anyways, my christmas vacation was obviously bitin, i'm promising myself that next year i'll file a really long vacation leave to compensate. it's almost the new year now and i'm still at work. i'm thankful this wabash experience will be over in a week. i'll be going back to my old project for additional work which is fine by me.

christmas everywhere

2005-12-20T08:42:00.000+08:00

since december 11, i have attended a total of five christmas parties here and there. that many in 8 days.

december 11, sunday, san pascual, batangas:
yfc batangas kasangga christmas party

december 14, wednesday, winston st., fairview, quezon city:
up chemsoc induction and christmas party

december 16, friday, roof deck, casa romana, un ave., manila:
APEX grand HATaw party

december 18, sunday, tito jun's house,tanauan city:
yfc east b - cluster 3 christmas party

december 19, monday, world trade center, manila:
accenture christmas party

finally here's my family while we were dining at superbowl last saturday, beating the christmas shopping rush. aren't they adorable?

p.s.: my christmas wishlist, puro books! neverwhere by neil gaiman, stardust by neil gaiman, the mediator: twilight by meg cabot, shopaholic takes manhattan by sophie kinsella, the chronicles of narnia (complete illustrated edition) by c.s. lewis, in her shoes by jennifer weiner, harry potter 4 & 5 na paperback by j.k. rowling, sisterhood of the traveling pants by ann brashares, cupidity by by caroline goode. tapos yung hinde books, siyempre yung acoustic-electric at electric guitar ko, new jeans, at shirt for work, new wallet, saka dvd writer! hehe. saka a new phone for my mom (6600)!

nagpaparinig ba ako? hinde ah! hehe. paging ninong, ninang, tito, tita, ate, kuya, mama, daddy... hehe.

happy birthday blog!

2005-12-13T10:03:00.000+08:00

it's Stuck In a Moment's a.k.a. my blog's birthday! only a year ago, it wasn't originally named as such but was named Exceptionally Quintessential, to depict my extraordinarily normal life. hehe. i'm happy i got to maintain a blog this long. also, i feel lucky to have come across blogger, where i was enticed to join (thanks to lilyn by the way) and have found a haven for my thoughts and a life tracker. to everyone who has been reading this blog, i wantyou to know i'm not stopping yet! hehe.

anyways, i got rolled in (already, i know, i'm back to being: iya, ang babaeng walang pahinga) to another project, which is proving to be a bit more challenging than the first one and very different. which is good in a way, it just means i get to learn more.

i'm taking a leave this wednesday just to get some rest. can you believe that? i can't even rest up on weekends! anyways, i'm excited still for the holidays, and i'm going to get my christmas shopping done before my moolah runs out. hehe.

have fun everyone! i don't mind you greeting my blog a happy birthday!

p.s. i'm thinking of giving my blog a new look, what do you think? ;)

of living and telling everyone about it

2005-12-09T10:38:00.000+08:00

as the purpose of this blog is to update the people i care about on the happenings in my life, then that's what i'll do.

november 29, 2005, world trade center and new world renaissance hotel, makati.
one night stay, vidastat anniversary.

i love the perks of being a physician's daughter. hehe. look at my mom and me, i can't deny i look more and more like her as time goes by.

november 30, 2005. back at work. and 100 minutes with kel.

by the way, i'm addicted to kfc chicken strips nowadays.

december 1, 2005. raccoon's makeover.

meet raccoon. ang baby namin ni mykel. do you see his semi-mohawk look? his tito leo (my office/team/bonding mate) did that to him. isn't he adorable?

december 3-4, 2005. cluster 3 youth camp, talaga elementary school

as always, the youth camp was a very tiring yet fun yfc activity for me. it was great hanging with my 'big babies' again. speaking of babies...

remember our baby katriel? look she's all grown up! kidding! that's our god-daughter hannah. she's suplada most of the time. she rarely smiles at us. mana sa ninong. hehe. speaking of ninong mykel...

missing my curly mane? can you believe that kel curled it up for me? may future! he was a very meticulous hairdresser as i discovered.

and finally, this week.

aside from finishing 3 tickets for my project wherein i am officially rolled off effective today, i've been also constantly leaving for home late. that's because the Project's christmas party is fast approaching and we need to rehearse our dance numbers for the competition. as shallow as it may sound, our leads are actually battling it all out for the prize money. it's good in a way, because i kinda missed dancing and now i get to do it again only this time, with a price to pay. i rarely see the sun in the afternoon, but this is also partly because it's the short day season. i hate feeling cold. especially when there's noone to keep you warm.

so that's it. the things i'm looking forward to in the coming days, is getting my christmas shopping done, and getting nice things for everybody i love, and also, the new project i'm about to be rolled into. i've got my fingers crossed that i'll be having a nice holiday season. for the mean time,

iya here, signing off.

wishing and waiting

2005-12-09T09:26:00.000+08:00

sometimes, things are really not what you've dreamt of it to be. and it's much more painful if you've been dreaming of having it for the longest time and when finally the dream comes true, it just wouldn't work.

lately, i've been feeling like a ghost amongst the crowds
a paper boat helplessly washed down the flowing river
living each day, letting the hours pass,
not realizing i'm living,
not feeling anything,
except sadness, and longing.
i miss you.
so much that i can' t take it.
and i cry thinking there's no end to this
everynight, every second of the day
that you're not here.

i want to be numb.

magic

2005-11-23T00:23:00.000+08:00

for the past few weeks i've been thinking of what to write here next. and then i saw this interesting piece this morning:

click me!

i watched the film last Sunday night, with my family. it was my first time to treat them to a movie we all wanted to watch and mind you, we did everything just to get to watch it. hurrying after our yfc meeting, and with a very quick dinner, we drove off to the last full show, a full 30 minutes away. we ended up being the last ones in the movie house and got home a little bit before midnight.

potter did not fail me, and though i didn't feel that awestruck while watching the film, i was pretty happy with how they portrayed the fourth book. it was very mature, very far from the 1st kiddie potter movie. it was just as dark as the third one, though i'm expecting it's not going to be a chirpy series since alot of death and evil is involved.

i found the 'remixed' trailer very amusing, since somewhere inside of me there's a harry-hermione shipper. it's not that i don't like ron and hermione together (actually i'm losing patience on them not being an item already in the 6th book) but then the movie showed more romantic fizz between harry and hermione; i.e. a bit too many private conversations and jumping into arms; than there is between ron and hermione. that's enough to make a shipper out of me, plus the trailer you just watched. (thanks to arne nga pala, my officemate who popped this out of my ym just as i came in for work)

these things pretty much gave me a realization; that it is love and magic that really draws my attention. that explains why i've always been a dreamer.

shallow. deep. empty feeling.

2005-11-15T06:32:00.000+08:00

as i much as i want to be
the chirpy, smiling me
people want me to be
i just can't
because up to now
i realized
i'm lost
no matter how much
i think i'm not.

on turning 21, work and christmas presents

2005-11-13T17:29:00.000+08:00

hi there. it's been that long huh? i've been wanting to post a 'stuck in a moment birthday edition' but you see, i got a bit lazy and actually, too busy.

i had a nice birthday celebration, mainly because i got to spend it with lots of family and friends, the people i most care about. and i think that's just the key to having fun on your big day. even without that much gifts, the fact that these people came for me, and most especially, since it was my nanay vering's birthday too, came for my dear lola, was the best gift i could ever recieve. (also especially because my birthday is on ALL SAINTS' DAY).

to give you a glimpse, here are some of the snapshots from that day. and oh, i love the part where we get to blow out too many candles. note: we had 4 chocolate cakes, 1 braso de mercedes and (from my dear kel) my favorite, a blueberry cheesecake, most of them from red ribbon. now this is what i call a birthday party:

oh yeah, you bet, i got even fatter. :)

after my turning 21, (the age, i figured, is not that big of deal) i went straight to work on the 3rd of november. little did i know that after the training, i'll be getting the first and only actual work assignment amongst all of us, newly grads of ABAP training. it was startling, since probably i had the least background in programming.

but yesterday, against all odds, i got to completely finish my first ticket together with dj, the other one who eventually got assigned to another ticket too after his leave. it was a double thank GOD it's friday for us, since we haven't been able to see the sun set for the whole week. now we know what OVERTIME really means.

on the brighter side, i am officially a working woman (? hehe) with an office desk and a supercool PC. wanna see?

as expected, my desk is overly cluttered, mostly because i had a lot of work to do, and that i haven't been decorating my spot. but don't worry i'll get there.

our workplace is already beautifully decorated, with christmas trees and all. they're beautiful, and i just wish our house will soon be decorated for christmas too. i don't know why but mom seems not too up for it at this time. maybe the times have already sullened our christmas spirits.

but maybe not much for me. you see, i have a christmas wishlist with me already, which is also obviously much like a to-buy list for me, since i don't think people will buy it for me. but i'm keeping my fingers crossed... ninong... ninang... tito... tita.. kuya... ate... hehehe. so here goes;

first off, or these ones
then maybe an ipod for EJ, the chronicles of narnia series, harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban and smallvile season four on dvd, and actually, a lot more. but i definitely love those guitars. pity it's such a hard task finding great looking ones in hot pink. in the process i found this cool line for women rockers, some of the designs were insanely absurd (butterfly, heart and daisy-shaped guitars can you believe it?) but they're one of a kind. check 'em out:

Daisy Rock

anyways, i guess this is for now. it's a really long post. i won't stop updating this site, i promise. i just came to love it too much.

have fun! 'have yourself a merry little christmas...' :)

picture perfect

2005-11-13T01:38:00.000+08:00

as right now i'm not too keen on sharing my numerous significant experiences for the past weeks, i'm doing another photo-essay-ish entry. i just hope i don't clog up your connection (for the dial-up users like me that is).

first up:
michadiks' night out! tokyo tokyo and ice monster, oct28

finally seeing them in person is a bit weird, but is more rewarding. hah! anne! thought i'd never post them here did yah? hehe. peace sis!

next up: last day of training, greenbelt dinner outing with my office-playtmates, oct 29

we never thought we'd see each other again after training. but we were dead wrong. well, except for ced who got shipped off to gt tower, all of us are in the same building, same floor and mind you, 9 of us still share adjacent cubes. :)

and then: YFC regional conference in letran, calamba, oct 30-31.

mostly i was tired and sleeping on this day, and kel and i were in a war period, but i got to experience once again what it's like to have fun with my kids - hehe the younger YFCs i came to love and miss. also, i got bond with my cousin kuya ron. it was a weird saturday night but a meaningful one. that weekend, i learned what BELIEVING is truly about. and i thank my GOD for that.

fourth: october celebrants' big blowout at the office, nov 11..

me and my ever-prepared office-playmates after the filling lunch. when are we ever going to get a decent picture taken?

lastly, i want to show you one of things that amused me this past week:

TARA! one of my faves patrick the starfish in awfully cute christmas gear! don't you just love christmas? oh, by the way for the spongebob lovers, you can see our poriferan friend in the pic too, all entangled in christmas lights. sweet.

anyways, can't wait for the next harry potter movie showing this week!

so much for bon voyage

2005-10-28T00:37:00.000+08:00

this morning is my nth time to be late, again due to the undeniably huge distance between batangas and where i work in. it's becoming increasingly ridiculous to be doing what i'm doing everyday: commuting back and forth, here to there, vice versa.

at first i thought i finally got the hang of it after more than a month of doing it and then... this. i really need to find some place closer to live in: longer sleeping hours, no event of standing inside a moving vehicle for hours, no chance of getting stranded for five hours, more time to be with friends. but i'll definitely prefer to stay at home if it wasn't so d*mn far from work: i'll miss my family, the scrumptious breakfast and dinner, hot shower, everything.

smallville nostalgia and the last week

2005-10-25T01:35:00.000+08:00

finally, i got to spend another weekend without running off to somewhere. a first this month, i think. i got to be a couch potato again with my mom, ej and my boyfriend kel watching a smallville season four marathon (minimum of 6 hours per day).

i actually missed bumming around. and i realized i've forgotten how entertaining smallville is. brings me back to my smallville fanatic days; owning every episode on cd for two seasons; naming my dependable laptop 'clark'; my being a devoted clark-lana shipper, wallpapers and all. i kind of miss those days. i'd like to thank my officemate dj for lending me his cds and for filling my unconscious desire for a superman fix. ;)

anyways, this is my last week on training. surely, time flies. although i'm excited this brain-draining endeavor is about over, i'm kinda sad too because despite all the 'comments' i've received from forgettable persons, i'm going to miss some of the guys here. i'd miss sharing all oxygen and inhaling all the CO2 exhaled by everyone as all 16 of us are confined in one room for 6 weeks. i'd miss all the fun times, 'malling' and all the laughter. it's been almost two months since i met these people and i have been with them all the time since. it's kind of sad too think that we might not be all in the same project after this. time for a farewell outing.

my birthday is fast approaching and i'd like to inform you all that i'm receiving birthday gifts as early as now. hehe. see yah! =)

it's in the stars

2005-10-24T11:31:00.000+08:00

i came across an email with all the characteristics of people, male and female, under an astological sign and i found it interestingly accurate. at least to my psyche. but it doesn't mean i believe in them or anything.

my birthday is this november 1st. yep, it's next week and that only means that i am a scorpio. it's funny because most of the things i perceived myself to be is stated in the said email. i got my part of the list and i'll paste it here to give you an idea.

SCORPIO WOMAN

A simple woman who always show what kind of a moods she is in. You can tell
right way if she up set, or if she is flirting with you. She displays
herself with her act much more than trying to say it for it's in her
character.

A Scorpio woman has her own mysterious personality. She is confident and
deep down inside she is quite proud of herself. She hates to think she is
borne a woman and so limiting her with a certain social acceptable rules.
She is a real woman and despite her innocent and childish looks, she has a
spirit of free soul. Many men will make mistake if they think she is a good
follower, they are wrong.

She thinks being a plain simple housewife is boring. She likes to have
power and control over other people, but this will be only her secret, so
you will only see a cute woman. Every things she does will look good, and
she has all the woman's trick you can think of. She can manipulate men
without they knowing it.

If you think she going to do everything you say because she loves you, then
you will be disappointed. She could be a little tomboyish and she can
understand you by just looking in your eyes. You may say sweet words which
could sweep any woman, but not with the Scorpio woman. She will use her
X-ray eyes reading your thought of what you just said or what you are going
to say.. She always smile and she can really hide her feeling.

She will constantly show you that she loves freedom.. If she has freedom,
she will not leave you, but will even love you more. If she wants
something, she will do everything to get it. She has her own sixth sense of
people and you can feel that energy feed back when you around her. She
likes a man who can earn her respect, and she will also respect and feel
proud of that man. A man with power over her should not threat or challenge
her confident. She likes to have a good looking , strong and healthy man
especially if she start to compare with her friends' boyfriends. It is a
plus if he hold a degree or a good career.

She is a hot lady. She likes heavy music. She either loves or hates, there
are no "fond of", or "like" for her. Love has no "may be", or "perhaps". If
she is real mad, she will trash and throw things. Her wind storm can sweep
all her dishes and you could get accidentally hit on your head for this
matter. Be calm, it is just your grand mother favorite china for she has
good quality as much as her bad tempered.

Sometimes she shows her weakness, but it won't be long. She will put
herself together and back to be that hot chili again. If she loves you, it
will be no matter what other people may say. Her relationship will be more
important than what is right or wrong. Because of this reason, you may know
some Scorpio woman become a second wife, a mistress.

She is spoil, but she allows her love one to over power her. Dating this
woman, you should not keep old love letters in your pocket or in your
house. It could be a love letter 2 years ago, but never mind she will argue
about this since this is a big deal for a suspicious woman. Remember she
has a temper of the shrew.

If you play a cold war with her, she will treat you likewise and double it.
If you stood her up once, she will stood you up 2-3 times. She is quite
fair in justice, so she can accept your apologies as much as she can
pretend to accept things for now and wait for a pay back revenge in the
future. If you are nice to hear, she will double that to you as well. A
real fair woman.

She likes to make and spent money. She likes to have fame and reputations,
and never let herself broke and have no name at the same time. She is too
proud and will not accept status of being "Poor". She loves to have face,
so if you are a manager with small salary, she will be proud more than more
money being a truck driver. She hates to think and she can not stand a
feeling of being a "Nobody".

If you like her, play a little hard to get. This will excite her a bit.
When you go out on a date, set your schedule, but do not let she knows that
you have planned this for weeks. Always go to pick her up on time or better
to go 5-10 minutes early.

*if anyone agrees with me that apart of this narration pertains to me please say AMEN!

can't have it all

2005-10-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

remember when i told you i'm going to do better in programming these following weeks? well, i did! for 3 weeks! and i have a new pen as my prize for that. thank god i'm catching up.

but then again, as my title suggests, one can really not have it all. as i improve in programming, my respect for and willingness to befriend some of the people i work with however are beginning to falter. i have been getting lots of personal jokes from my 'funny' work fellows lately and most of them are about my weight. i'm not being hypersensitive about it, but i guess some people need still to be educated on what the words 'you could hurt a person's feelings' actually meant. even music couldn't soothe my nerves now.

i am fat. so what? would it make a difference if i were skinnier? would i be much smarter? the only difference i think is that people would treat me differently if i were skinny. same old superficial world.

so what's new?

2005-10-05T16:00:00.000+08:00

lemme see. here i'm going to impart some of the pinakamababaw updates on my life.

first, i got my super long and curly-ended hair cut. yep, i'm no longer a goldilocks. instead, my hair length's now a bit above my shoulder. wanna see?

and that's the worse version of my new haircut. if you have violent reactions against my decision to cut my hair, let me know. i'd love to hear echoes of my own violent reaction. :D

what else? well, i am now also a proud owner of one of the greatest luxury item ever known to mankind. okay, i'm exaggerating. but seriously, it cost me way too much. but i'd say it's worth every penny.

need a clue to know what it is? here's three clues; 1) i mentioned about dreaming of having it in my previous posts, 2) it's the reason i have to many recent pics of almost everything and everyone and 3) take a look at this:

i know you got it already. anyways, just don't tell the others okay? hehe. til here. i need to sleep already. :D

i live. i learn.

2005-10-05T13:07:00.000+08:00

brace yourselves. this is how i look like every morning.

ABAP programming is proving to be more and more nerve-wracking for me and that reeks. i don't want to get fired. so i'm promising myself over and over that i'd do real better in the coming weeks, by hook or by crook. it's not like i have a choice or anything.

anyways, i'm still not regretting having the job that i have now. i enjoy everyday of it (except for the exam and seatwork parts). the working environment is great all in all. too many perks. too many great people to be friends with.

i've been contemplating (again) this time on the essence of learning; everything i now know, who taught me and the things i'd like to learn in the future...

my parents and my lola have taught me most of the things i know. most important of it all is the greatness of having the love of a family.
in 5th grade i learned my first swear words courtesy of my friend mervin. with that i also started to appreciate the eraserheads' kwela music.
in early highschool i discovered the art of day dreaming with my bestfriend and dear cousin ate tin. years after that we proved that dreams do come true and that boy bands don't last.
another friend i'd like to hide by the name harvey taught me the wonders of rock music and video games. also, i came to know heartbreak and the art of letting go.
in college, i learned to be honest with myself through loida. also, my other bestfriend mark taught me that friendship can be even better than love at times.
kel taught me how to appreciate the littlest things in life. and whenever i lose it, he teaches me how to get real. moreover, being with kel taught me that there is such a thing as fate and unpretentious love.

all in all i know 20 years of life is not enough. i still have much to learn and much more to discover. so right now, i will not complain if i still have to learn programming. there are alot of things much harder than that. ;)

what on earth am i here for?

2005-09-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

i've just been pondering on what the lord really has in store for me, for my future. at the same time i was contemplating (in the bathroom of all places) on the fact that He gave me so much 'talent' and opportunities to learn many different things of different fields and with that i feel so privileged, but a bit confused too honestly. what i am really destined to do?

the purpose of what follows is not for me to brag about my credentials but just to share most of my significant realizations and theories for this day. i just hope you can bear with it.

throughout the almost first two decades of my life, i have been blessed with good grades, an acceptable singing voice and dancing ability, i have learned how to play the piano and guitar, have performed in front of a large audience, tried stage acting, and have led several organizations (religious, academic and those for leisure). each school year, i realized, was never complete without numerous extra curricular activities.

but god didn't stop at that.

i got to a college where teachers are not restricted, and where learning is much on an uncensored basis. i majored in chemistry and took up extra biology courses (the chem part i still don't know what for yet, but the bio is supposedly for med school). i'm proud to know much about the chemicals on my shampoo, medicine and my meals, and how my body functions, even at the cellular level. i also have learned a lot about society, philosophy, history and art.

i also have a serious knack for web design, video-editing, writing and directing that my mom once considered me getting a film and audio-visual communication degree.

and now at work i'm training for computer programming, which was what i originally wanted to do but don't know anything much about yet. it's not out of my league, just out of the box built for me in college.

i may be a jack of all trades, but i am a master of none... yet. i'm still searching for that something that would complete the puzzle. the main reason for my existence.

so, these are few of the guesses i have on what i am really going to be in the future, based on what i have been equipped with so far:

a rock star, like in my daydreams
one of the future housemates in pinoy big brother
the biochemist who discovers the cure for AIDS
a neurosurgeon
a religious or political leader
a best-selling writer
an award-winning film writer/director
a kick-ass software engineer/developer for maxis or microsoft or both.

some of these (okay, most of it) might be a little far-fetched (okay, greatly not just a little), but hey, nothing is impossible. just like according to inxs' new lead singer JD Fortune:

"Remember to always believe in yourself my friends. If anyone calls you a dreamer remind them that the building they work in came from a dreamer, the car they're driving came from a dreamer. The computer they love, the cell phone they use, movies and music they escape in - all came from dreamers."

washing machine

2005-09-20T14:23:00.000+08:00

the past weekend was a real emotional rollercoaster ride for me. and though i would not prefer to divulge everything here, i'd leave the title as a clue and then shower you with just the happy highlights.

as i've revealed on my last post, i already received my first ever sweat-and-literally-blood-earned moolah. and i'm not that sad to say half of it have already slipped my hands, i'm cheery even, because i got to treat my family to a fancy dinner (just mom, dad, ej, kuya ervin, ate linda and my inaanak, elvin, though; nanay and earl got only take-outs). this was one, if not the most dreamt about of my first payday fantasies, honestly speaking. and thus, i'm blissful it came true. kel and i also celebrated my triumph last thursday over another dose of pizzahut bistro in gateway. i wouldn't wonder now if once again, i gain a few pounds.

about work, we've started with our ABAP programming training this morning in makati; which was after my battle with the monday madness morning rush. the training's pretty hard for me actually, it's like starting college all over again, with the studying and all. heck we even have a syllabus for the 6-week course, and i have no background in programming whatsoever, except for whatever i do with this site. but actually, i'm finding the learning coupled with earning quite hefty with motivation. i'm planning of actually continuing my studying tonight.

well, i guess this is ciao for me, for now. in case i forget anything i wanted to blab about, i'll probably get to it on the weekends. the connection on our new workplace is apparently firewalled. but then again, with the 15 of us that rowdy, there are definitely, no rules.

and also i have a new fixation. it's the new sony ericsson walkman. apparently something that i can't have... hopefully just for the time being.

p.s.
i'm recommending the disney flick sky high for a bit of viewing pleasure. i loved it. you know i love superheroes. except for darna that is. =)

for potter fans

2005-09-20T13:54:00.000+08:00

my officemate got the scoop on the newest potter movie trailer, this afternoon and so i came, i saw, i nearly died (of course just metaphorically) when i witnessed it with all its sfx glory. so here it is, i'm not selfish am i?

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire Movie Exclusive

ooh, i can't wait for november 18. =)

the rocker's first pay-day

2005-09-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

i'm excited to see my atm card balance but i'm concerned it might not be as impressive as my officemates', for the reason that i've enrolled into alot of health and life insurances and savings plans which would chip a lot from my first salary. but thinking back, i'm actually proud of myself, that i signed me and my parents up for those. it's the least i can do to help my parents considering i'm earning a not-so-awe-worthy salary... yet. i'm getting all jittery thinking this would be the first time i'll hold hard-earned money i officially worked for. ah. no. scrap that. i realized actually earned pennies when i used to watch our old video shop for my mom and i also got a small amount from my summer internship. so this is not my first pay-day after all. but then again, you all know what i mean.

i'll be in full control of my money and all my expenses from now on. i can't make pasalubong requests from my mom whenever she goes to the mall anymore, or make her buy me anything anymore, because i don't have any excuse to not have the money to buy what i want or need. and that actually saddens and scares the hell out of me, because i feel a bit detached to my parents already. an independent entity who could now (well, almost) stand on her own feet.

i've been drowning myself in online trainings to make up for all the time i've wasted last week. i'm also making the most of the online time i'm not spending in learning as next week marks the start of our formal training in ABAP. you go research what that means (initially i didn't have a clue either) but i have been informed that people get paid alot for having background in that language. so i'm keeping my fingers crossed that i'll become what someone told me i could be in the future... a millionaire. getting here is not that bad after all. i hope i'll get to say this still after the six-week training. wish me lots of luck.

last night i got to morph into the night-owl that i've always been as i tried to catch all the shows i've been missing; one tree hill, so little time, friends, etc. i got to watch csi miami on its wednesday slot again and this time, believe it or not, they had tidal waves on the show. i don't know if that episode was pre or post the 2004 tsunami incident, i didn't get to see the end credits. i realized yesterday that the miami franchise is becoming the unrealistic show i originally thought it was, at least i think for that particular episode. although i enjoyed seeing the proving-to-be-hunkier-by-the-minute newbie ryan (i like him because he was a surprisingly believable smart ass in the show and a bit dorky like las vegas' greg) , i was grossed out to see horatio ever the action hero. i just didn't buy it.

i enjoyed the rockstar inxs performances episode last night but was a bit confused on who to bet on at first. it's only week before the finale and the remaining four were unbelievably fantastic performance and talent-wise. as i revealed on a past post i'm rooting for mig for patriotic reasons but i was a bit swayed when inxs said that he's too nice to be a rock star. that he needed to be more edgy.

of course marty and jd are much edgier and nastier but i think marty is not really fit to be inxs vocalist. he's too Creed-ish. sorry, but that's what he reminds of. jd, whom i hated 'at first' (what can i say i really think his 'pretty vegas' might as well be a new inxs single), is more theatrical and phony. plastic in philippine jargon, that is. suzie, oh well, she has a great voice and drive but she gets jittery around inxs. i dunno, i'd like a woman to win too though.

what blew me away last night was when mig performed painted black of the rolling stones and kiss from a rose by seal. oh heck, i never liked kiss from a rose till last night. it was awesome. i hope he gets the encore performance and stay out of the bottom three as he had all season. the hell with being edgy, let mig win. =)

shet. burnout.

2005-09-10T06:53:00.000+08:00

enough of sugarfree. i love the song but for some reason, i can't stand it. okay i'm gonna keep my mouth shut now.

nothing really matters...

2005-09-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

there i was, watching another corporate-world-information-filled The Apprentice last night, relaxing all my work and commuting blues away when i received a text message from rhay. she said they all passed the board exam which they took last monday and tuesday. i kinda knew they'd all pass, but what bothered (<- a huge understatement) me the most is that another friend asked me (AGAIN) if i was sure i had my exam application cancelled. apparently, the passing percentage of our school was only 98% (believe me, even this isn't good enough for them) because 1 out of the 50 failed. and of course they immediately thought it was me. one of our classmates saw my name on the examinees list and they all thought it was to be considered as failed because i didn't take the exam.

i wanted to pull all my hair out because i was so pissed. pissed at her (afterwards she told me she was just concerned i'll get a failing record... oh right...), pissed at the possibility that the PRC messed up and honestly, pissed at the fact i might be labelled a loser because i was the only one in my world who didn't get a chemist license this year and i caused my alma mater a great deal of shame. well, sort of. i cried again last night. i hate feeling all my frustrations dig in to me.

and then they found out it wasn't me. and she apologized quite profusely and i appreciated that. i thanked the lord over and over for that and the fact that i wasn't the culprit.

now here i am again at work, under-achieving and possibly garnering potential enemies along the way. stupid time reports. must be PMS. i know this will all come to pass like all of my past rantings though. i hope it will.

about the title, do you recognize it as a line from the bohemian rhapsody? i got to watch RockStar INXS this week. i'm a fan of mig ayesa for the sole reason that we share the same birth country, the wonderful philippines. as i said to my mom and dad last night 'gotta love your own'. plus he's really good. last night was elimination night. i relieved mig wasn't eliminated but i think jordis was a big loss. she has a spectacular voice. i checked out their site and found the rockers' blogs there. it was nice to read mig wrote the song he performed for his tita (note, he uses filipino terms) who died. that was so sweet.

i found video clips of their past performances there too. i didn't get to watch last week and wednesday's episode so i checked them out. i was particularly intrigued with suzie's performance of the bohemian rhapsody. i know constantine from the last season of american idol already did a stellar performance then of the song but i needed to see a girl rock this. it was okay, pretty interesting, but then she hit some flat notes in some parts. over-all the performance was okay. at least she's still in the top four after that.

if you want to check it out click this > http://rockstar.msn.com/video/performance/wk08

nothing really matters... to me...

remember what you're here for

2005-09-09T08:48:00.000+08:00

why is it that when you get what you've always desired, you get sick of it after a few days and take it for granted?

i'm at work obviously and my laziness is beginning to take it's toll. after constant bugging, the people in charge finally gave our group our passwords, security passes and whatnot. i feel i like an employee at last. the problem is, now that i have access to almost everything (almost, take note, i told you we were neglected pawns) and even have my own local number and corporate email address, my lethargicness is widely increasing and i am consciously rejecting any opportunity to learn through the online trainings. de ja vu setting in. i just wish i'm not like this, that i have more control over my actions and work ethics.

so how have you been? you can openly comment on this post now though you're not blogger member. i finally caught sight of the comment options menu and found out that non-user option was there all along. me and my lack of interest in reading important details.

i'm off in less than an hour. that means i'm off to another 2-hour bus ride home. great. just great. at least i have kel with me this time.

p.s.
i'm still having a blast socializing with my new found friends (aka my officemates), we often eat lunch together (all 15 of us) at the upper ground pantry. we'll still be staying here at cubao until next week, i think. after that, only god knows what.

is this burning an eternal flame?

2005-09-06T02:34:00.000+08:00

what's with the mushy title you ask? as it turns out our first anniversary was not as bad as i thought it will be (so negative am i?). well everything seem to suck at first but was redeemed by the end of the day resulting to a thrilled, kinikilig blogger which by the way, is yours truly.

everything was not as imagined it to be.

firstly, we didn't get to greet each other at 1:20am (approximate time of birth of the relationship) because kel got drunk. yes, drunk and apparently, sullen because of our fight the night before. i was furious because i was waiting, with eyes already droopy, til the wee hours of dawn for the greeting. later that morning, after a waking up shoutfest, he arrived at our home, all dressed-up, with flowers at hand. by that time i was still unforgiving and tearful, blaming the world for the crappy anniversary given to me. so he went home and i got ready to the cluster core group household meeting scheduled in the afternoon.

secondly, i thought it was such a bad thing to have a yfc meeting at the day of our 1st anniversary because it means kel and i would have to work instead of celebrate. again, i was proved wrong, because we had a lot of fun with our friends and kel and i finally patched things up. we went to mass afterwards and kel was inexplicably back to the jolly, mapang-asar hottie i know and love. hehe.

lastly, i imagined our anniversary dinner all planned out, somewhere formal, like in the movies, but what i got was even better. we dined at my home, blew out the candle of our birthday cake and slow-danced at my house's living room. a romantic movie scene in itself.

oh, if you could only see me blushing. :D

great expectations

2005-09-04T15:10:00.000+08:00

during my now-defunct bum days, i usually catch an ad of this stand-up comedy show on jack tv. there, one comedienne was shown saying, that the key to life is... lowered expectations. i understood everything she meant by that, and could somehow relate to that too. but the catch was, i never found it funny. i wondered if anyone in her audience then found it funny.

i have always thought of myself as someone who has high standards, great expectations, and someone who doesn't get easily satisfied. on one side, that's favorable for me because it implies that i always thrive to give the best and get the best. on the other side however, it could mean that i'm often discontented, needs high maintenance, and/or very demanding. and i'm not proud of that. but could someone be accused of such when all she wants is a decent, romantic, memorable celebration of her and her loved one's 1st anniversary?

our 1st anniversary would be in less than one hour. and yet, i don't have any idea of his plans for tomorrow, which is seemingly... NOTHING. and that drives me crazy. it's like wasting an occasion that only happens once in a person's life, and which fortunately and ironically lands on a sunday. i'm so disappointed my thoughts are way too scattered right now.

i'm thinking of treating tomorrow as one of those lousy, normal days instead of a special one, so that i wouldn't be expecting much and not end up disappointed, heartbroken and angry. but that proves really hard to do. and i've had my heart broken one too many times, and it's killing me. oh i wish god would please help me.

reality bites rocks

2005-09-04T05:07:00.000+08:00

call me too late and everything, but i think i fell in love with Reality Bites the movie just this morning. thanks to Cinemax and to the corned beef and rice i did not want to eat for breakfast on my first day off, i finally got to watch the movie as peacefully and with intense concentration as possible. although i did not catch what i think was the first 30 minutes of the film, i savored the witty, romantic, unpretentious genius the movie is known for, until the end credits.

i could say that i could relate a bit to the characters, for i am also just readjusting to life after college (a.k.a. the real world) and also on the way to finding my independent 'identity'. but i can't say i live the adult drama everyday (for heaven's sake i still go home to batangas every single night). i think that maybe if i were staying at my friends' apartment in qc, wherein a lot of heat was generating, as i heard, i could absorb the drama some more. but that is not the case and it makes me think.

aside from the fact that i wear myself out commuting back and forth to batangas everyday, i'm feeling even more of the need for independence vibe, now that i've seen that movie. of course americans graduate from college at the age of 22, minimum, in comparison to the filipinos' ripe age of 20, but the age difference doesn't mean you don't have the qualifications to live on your own, especially if you have a decent job, right? don't get me wrong, i love being with my family, plus i missed the already prepared breakfast and my mom's wake up call alot when i was away in college, and which i am enjoying every morning now that i'm working and staying at home. but then again, i still worry that i'll get tagged as a spoiled, pampered, sheltered daughter who can't stand at her own two tired feet.

going back to the movie, what impressed me alot was the witty lines the characters, especially, troy and lelaina, threw at each other. plus it had the best friend falling for each other issue which up to now makes me wonder, why does that enchant me? also, ethan hawke (troy dyer) and winona rider (lelaina pierce) has this amazing chemistry which makes me feel sorry for whereever their careers have gone to at present. the movie was undoubtedly one of the best early 90's film i've ever watched. i loved it so bad i'm adding it to my list of favorites. the soundtrack was unremarkable too.

i thought the gilmore girls were the masters of the unrealistically long, funny and quick-wit everyday conversation lines but that was definitely before i got to know troy dyer, lelaina pierce, and vicky miner. especially troy. want some examples? i have saved these quips about two years ago, when i still haven't seen the movie but loved the quotes when i came across them on imdb.com:

Vickie: Laney, sex is the quickest way to ruin a friendship.

Lelaina: He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.

Troy Dyer: [answering the phone] Hello, you've reached the winter of our discontent.

Lelaina Pierce: I have to work around here, and unfortunately Troy, you are a master at the art of time suckage.

Vickie Miner: I'm late for a jean folding seminar. Let's locomote!

Troy Dyer: I'm bursting with fruit flavor.

Troy Dyer: I am not under any orders to make the world a better place.

Troy Dyer: [On answering machine] At the beep please leave your name, number and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma and we'll get back to you.

Vickie: Evian is naive spelled backward.

See? Can't get any better than this. :D

ym training

2005-09-03T01:12:00.000+08:00

hey, wanna see how i look like working, rather, yahoo messenger-ing the whole day away while making it look like i'm working? check these out.:D

plus i have souvenirs from my mishap yesterday morning. warning: very graphic, not advisable to view while eating.. hehe.

that's a huge welt you know, it's depressing.

anyways, i keep wishing, we have PEx here, but oh well, tough luck. okay, i'll get back to work now. translation: go back to YM-chatting and go get some free choco latte. hehe. anyways, a part of me is starting to hate this idleness of state. but i'm going to enjoy it while lasts. :D

starting anew, feeling great

2005-09-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

i'm now starting a new phase in my life. the working, being-an-adult-for-real type which i think is not that bad so far. actually it's great. my company is impressive and, as i realized yesterday, the key to really enjoying anything is to have really great people around you.

so here i introduce the newest additions to the ERP Bench, the craziest, most fun people anyone can work with in the whole world (well, a little bit of exaggeration there, but it seems true).

(credits to maele, my officemate, who took and edited the photo above)

these people make any day seem good to me. even though i just literally crashed on the road this morning on my way to the office, adding new ugly and large wounds to my knees (and my ego), i can smile and laugh still. and that's a rarity for me. and even though our bench is openly neglected by the admin and that 15 of us are crammed inside only two cubicles with nothing productive to do, it's all good. and thank god for that.

after 10 years...

2005-09-01T06:20:00.000+08:00

hey. i took a break from the net for almost a month, with the original reason of concentrating on studying for my board exam. but then again, life really has it's twists and turns. here i am now in gateway cubao, in one of the offices of my company. yep, that's right. i got in already. and now i'm bumming around, enjoying the company of new officemates and abusing the facilities. i'm not taking the board exams too due to lack in confidence and opportunities for a vacation leave, which is fine by me. there's always next year.

dancing chick

2005-07-29T16:25:00.000+08:00

shakin'

a michadik friend posted this and i thought it was so cute. i miss dancing and performing. i guess after school you can't really perform anywhere unless you're a professional dancer. but i really miss dancing talaga. i could also use the exercise.

csi guy and the half-blood mascarinas

2005-07-29T03:21:00.000+08:00

i've been very busy these past few days, sleeping late, waking at the afternoons. i read the 6th harry potter book, watched the 2-hour season ender of csi: vegas, watched more of those soaps, series and lifestyle programs, etc. i did a lot, sure, but none of them i could definitely say was productive.

i finished harry potter and the half blood prince in approximately 24 hours. i was supposed to borrow the book from my blockmate and friend rhay but her boyfriend wasn't finished with it yet when we last met. fortunately, although with guilt (with a capital G) gnawing off me once in a while, one of my friends online had a (most likely unauthorized) soft copy of the novel which she uploaded, so i got a hold of it. so much for the NO TO PIRACY concert i attended two weeks ago at eastwood. honestly, i'm not even sure whether it was the real full edition, but it had the details from rhay's spoilers i was reluctant to hear but did hear, so i'm assuming it was the real one.

i found the book more bearable than the 5th installment, more exciting even. partly because harry was not as angst-ridden as before and because in book 5, sirius, my favorite character died, breaking my heart. i actually cried while immersed on that scene, and i wanted so much to cast every curse on the killer, bellatrix. anyhow, book 6 also had a lot of romance stirring finally amongst the characters. i caught myself smiling while reading a couple of times. i'm really a sucker for feeling kilig. the unexpected pairings will really kind of lift your spirits. you will also realize that harry and the gang are already grown ups in the book. the downsides of harry's battle, well, it must be either because i already knew it from the spoilers or that i've had been immune to the disappointments from book 5 that didn't feel that down while reading. also, it was needless to say that the ending was hanging. another year, years maybe, of waiting for the grand finale of harry potter's world. on the other hand, i'll be waiting for the handsome daniel radcliffe in the theaters for the fourth potter movie.

speaking of waiting, i've been on the watch for the brilliant csi: vegas season ender directed by none other than quentin tarantino. as you may know, i've been giving myself large doses of the three csi shows in axn every week, and this season ender was not something i'd be happy to miss. i've been having these fantasies of being a forensic chemist, though i'm really bad with dead people and chemistry.

i was actually getting scared on how morbid the episode would be considering tarantino's flair in making audiences really uncomfortable with amputating body parts. just watch the two kill bills and pulp fiction for vivid reference. plus, i don't really want anybody from the crew to die (i knew nick stokes was the one in trouble on the episode and the others have to find him before he dies). amongst the three csi shows, vegas was my favorite, not only because it was the original, but also because i find it more realistic, the characters were also more easy to relate to and to believe that they knew all those stuff they know. and also because i love the dorky, corky and adorable former lab chemist and now field detective greg who, as his colleague told him at last night's epi was getting more trendier as time goes by (and handsomer too).

the screenplay and concept was also by tarantino so there were signature tarantino black and white shots, satirical quips, and the weird songs. and i wasn't wrong about the morbid parts too, there was a guy who blasts himself to pieces and nick getting covered and bitten by fire ants and oh, did i mention nick dreaming that he was being autopsied with the coroners playing around with his internal organs? real cute, huh? but as always, the case was solved and stokes was rescued. i was touched seeing grissom, catherine, sarah, warrick and greg really emotionally tortured at nick's fate and doing all they can, though panicky, teary-eyed and all. over-all i had a good-time. as you can see i'm a sucker for happy endings too.

p.s.

i got a call from accenture yesterday, which was a big thorn off of my chest. no, i'm not hired yet, but i'm hoping i'll soon be. after a massive self-doubt and worthlessness issue, i finally got the second interview. God is really funny and wise.

also, i've put up a rant absorber at my posts so you can comment on each. rants are welcome everytime. :D

airhead/bad karma

2005-07-21T15:33:00.000+08:00

as usual, my life has spun out of control. lately, i've been immersing myself with alot of nonsense which might explain why i've been such an airhead poster this past weeks. plus i've been either in front of the boob tube or my laptop, clark, fixing my dad's birthday video tribute each day for a minimum of 10 hours.

i've picked up a couple of new tv favorites along the way though:
tru calling, one tree hill, csi: las vegas, miami and ny, and loads more.

i'm really not so lucky in one aspect of my life nowadays though. either i'm the one who's got the problem or i just let slipped alot of things i shouldn't have. bad karma, i call it.

alot of crazy, undeniably distasteful things have happened to the philippines and it seems i'm the only one with a blog without any commentary on it. i feel so stupid about it. being this vocal about my love for my country but my blog is 99%on the english language. another thing is, i really am being so negative about this country's issues, so pessimistic. where's the faith, right? all i know is that no matter what happens i would still be proud of my country, my nationality. i love the philippines and i love being a filipino so much i always get into fights with my mom about it.

you see, my mom's ultimate bliss is to live the american dream. to stay there for good, buy all sorts of state-side stuff, the works. i couldn't entirely blame her for that dream, our grandmother and most of her siblings are living there, it's just understandable why she badly wants to be there. plus, in our country's state who wouldn't want to stay out of here for good? but then again wherever you go, you would still be a filipino whether you like it or not.

eastwood saturday

2005-07-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

one part of my life is a disaster. and to you who is responsible, go to hell. i hate you for causing so much pain. damn you wolfwood. :(

hottest on and off screen love pairs in my opinion

2005-07-13T07:53:00.000+08:00

this will be a bit cheesy. but i will be enjoying doing this today so what the heck? it'll be for my own blogging pleasure and it could be for yours too.

pair no. 1
star wars untouchables: hayden christensen and natalie portman

they're both hot, plus they look really good together. i haven't seen episode three yet but their fresh tandem in episode two gave me sweet dreams for weeks. both are talented actors too who, unlike most of the actors in their generation prefer unconventional roles and do well in it. don't they just look young and fresh here?

pair no. 2
unexpected stand-out stars: joseph bitangcol and michelle madrigal

obviously i'm a big fan of theirs (heck, i even made a fictional love piece about them aside form the fact that i'm an official inhabitant of their PEx threads). the thing that drew me to their loveteam from the start was their undeniable, radiating-from-afar chemistry. both products of a talent search which got them eliminated before they reach the top five, they are now enjoying more screen time than those you got in the finals. physically and skill-wise they complement each other, getting the attention of veteran actors and bigtime producers and directors. do i need to mention they look cute together?

pair no. 3
meteor garden could have beens: hua ze lei and shan cai

this pair was my former fixation, before pair no. 2. but this was frustrating since the characters in the series didn't end up with each other. the two meteor garden series did have lots of 'kilig' scenes with lei and shan cai with it though, and with kissing scenes, no less. i also love the true friendship stuff they have going on, but then lei continues on being the martyr that way. then, i just satisfied my self with the beautifully written fan fictions where they end up with each other. sad, but true.

pair no. 4
smallville's super-human beauties: tom welling and kristin kreuk

she's an exotic asian-dutch-canadian beauty. he's an all-american hottie with the mega-watt smile and boyish charm. when you put them together on the small screen, they sizzle. too bad they've been trying to pair them to different characters now. but i still have hope since they're the original love pair.

and finally, pair no. 5!
supernova hot mr. and mrs. to be: brad pitt and angelina jolie

hot, hot, hot! need i say more? this surprising hit tandem is sexiness and power epitomized. their chemistry is so intense i couldn't handle it. a lot of people couldn't handle it, let alone put into writing how much they felt this two were like two gods bound by destiny to be together. well, a bit exaggeration there, but still. this pair is just too hot for words.

SPECIAL QUIP- SCARIEST PAIR
couch-wrecking-insane-sation: tom cruise and katie holmes

never mind the age gap, i could have given them a thumbs up but then they really are scaring me. why the need to act so nuts? i have heard that people can get very crazy dur to 'love', but on international television? you have got to be kidding me. plus, both parties apparently have nothing to talk about in their interviews but their new-found loves. sickening, right? pardon my opinion, but i'm seeing this as a really bad publicity stint. but if i'm wrong, then it must be, as scary as it may seem, a real-deal, true tomkat love affair.

hehe look at what i found...

they're named tom and katie too... funny coincidence! hehe. i'm evil...

anyways, i need to go now. hope you enjoyed this post. mwah!

prince charming resurrected!

2005-07-12T18:32:00.000+08:00

signs that my prince charming is fast on the rise... again. and just ready to sweep me off my feet?

the pink rose, bought at one of the stands i was facing straight up at the glorietta center square; going to the rest room excuse and all; did you notice the pink rose on the pictures below?
blueberry cheescake surprise
the return of the serenades, is this burning an eternal flame...
the lengthened waiting patience time

plus loads more i can't really discuss here. well, i'm just mababaw. seems everyone in love can be mababaw by standard.

sojourn to life

2005-07-12T03:26:00.000+08:00

i've been gone quite a while. i could say it's because i've been too attached to my bum lifestyle, my mother had to (as she always had) yak me out of it. so i left home, offended and determined to make them miss me and let them know they've hurt me. so as early as it was for me to leave for school and board exam review, i did and straight into the arms of my loving friends who have always been their for me. they let me stay at their apartment for 4 days and 3 nights and helped me recuperate by making my stay there full of fun and joy. in the course of my break from the bum lifestyle, i've helped in preparing for an elaborate surprise birthday party for one of my friends' boyfriend; i've been to the preliminary interview for Accenture (amazingly i passed the test and have packed my formal clothes without expecting, but wishing, that i'd get at least an interview) ; and i've spend some quality time with my friends and kel.

the aftermath however, was phenomenal. think about a home full of friendliness and love, a top of the line digi-vidcam from Sony (which i was praying for to have before my dad's birthday this friday so i can make a mini-movie surprise for him; but i didn't expect for the cam to be this hi-tech and great) and a lot of other good stuff i've learned from my break. i'm also going to have an employment test with procter and gamble this wednesday so i can say things are looking up.

the following is part of the webcam scandal part 3. kel and i have been so addicted with taking webcam pictures because i don't have a camera phone and a digital camera before now plus we just like fooling around. i just feel bad i didn't get to upload the super fun videos on time. it was pure riot. you can see my still so curly hair here too. it has been a while since i had pics on my journal so enjoy! :D